bleak

i don't know why

why is this so hard
this is so sick
like why is this so hard
i'm not doing great
in fact, i can't remember the last time i felt this bad

i think i'm going through another depressive episode
why am i getting so emotional
like nothing is happened

literally overnight
i went from being completely fine to feeling
really really
low
out of nowhere

and i'm not sad
i know it's not just being sad
because nothing in my life has happened
for me to be sad
like my life is good
nothing bad has happened
there's nothing that's changed
in the last two days
that caused me to feel this way

and i recognise these feelings
these feelings are the feelings i had back when i was really depressed
and it scares me
and there was always that fear in the back of my head
that it would come back

i don't feel any good about myself
i feel really....unconfident
i don't wanna show myself to the world
it's almost like a switch has gone off in my head
i think so low about myself
and i don't know where it comes from

but
this is how i feel
like, i'm always on the brink of crying
i'm always really emotional
and I DON'T KNOW WHY