Best Friends with Benefits

[Fourteen]

So i drown it out, like i always do. Dancing through our house with the ghost of you.

~ 5 Seconds Of Summer

{Clary}

"He'll be fine Clarissa." My mother coos as she strokes my hair from where we're lounging on the couch in my livingroom, i want to believe her. All I do now is lie on my back to take the strain off of being alive and carrying a baby.
"It's just bruises." She elaborates.

"His eyes were swollen closed mother." I tell her blatantly and she gives me a sympathetic face.
"Yes but they've gone down now. You should see him he's coming along brilliantly, he can go home tomorrow."

"I've done enough." Is all i can say. He doesn't want me there and even if he did I was staying far away from him. The worst mistake either of us ever made was becoming friends in the first place.
She tutts and gets up from her spot to head into the kitchen area
"I'm going to make us some grilled cheese. And make sure you're taking your vitamins. You're pregnant first and foremost."

Like i could forget.
"Mom," i ask and she hums letting me know she's listening "if there's anything you know about dad you're not telling me you have to now." She doesn't turn in my direction.

"Mom he's evil. He threatened me and he's threatened Jace." My voice is flat. This is my last ditch attempt to save him. I don't believe that Jace got himself into that trouble completely alone. He could provoke people when he was upset but I knew this was connected to Valentine somehow.

"Nonsense." She giggles "your father is all bark and no bite sweetheart." She waves a hand at me but she doesn't look convinced. Her hands are shaking as she takes butter and cheese from my fridge.
"Mom he told me himself he tried to kill Alec!" She stops cutting slices from the block of cheese at that, nearly getting her fingertips and for the first time in my life she looks like she understands me

"He told you that?"
I nod.
"But why would he do something like that? He loves Alec."

"No mom," i tell her firmly "you love Alec and Jace. Dad has always hated them. He killed the Herondales too, because you were in love with Stephen." She can only stare at me, perhaps the memory still hurts her no matter how much time goes by. This time she doesn't snap at me.
Not like last time i brought it up.

"He's dangerous. You should get as far away as possible from him." I say and she nods slightly, lowering her head shamefully.

"I know." She says.

"You know?" I'm shocked. Blinking at her. She knows and she's just been condoning it this whole time? She just stayed with him? She let Jace into our house with his parents murderer in it?
"Of course i know, he's my husband but that place is a prison. If i ran he'd only find me." She explains then and it occurs to me that she's in grave danger. That perhaps she always has been. I thought my mother was my fathers exception but clearly not.

"Mom you have to try at least." I whisper to her because I know it's not easy but she's our only shot at this.
"Don't you think i have?" This time when she laughs there is absolutely no humour in it. She pulls the bottom of her red blouse from her skirt all of a sudden and lifts it enough until i can see the deep scar across her abdomen, one i had no idea existed.
My breath gets caught in my throat.

"Jesus christ." Is all i can manage. Once upon a time, a wound like that could have been fatal. She tucks her blouse over it again.
"I loved Stephen but i hate him too. He fell in love with somebody else because he was scared i didn't love him back." She tells me sadly.