Jungkook: The Friendly Ghost

22. Drama & Zen

The wide-eyed look of Jungkook tells me that he probably realizes I skipped more than he originally thought. And even more than he thinks now, because of course I'd downplay it in front of my mom.

"Jihyun," mom takes a deep breath and I wait for my lecture. "Just pull yourself together and stop being pathetic."

Huh?!

"Did you just call me pathetic?"

"Okay, too far," Jungkook speaks up, as if my mother could actually hear him.

"Yes, I did," she just adds salt to the wound. "You said it yourself, you're not a kid. Stop acting like a breakup is the worst thing that could happen and pull yourself together."

"Mother, how much did you have to drink tonight?" I ask, finally feeling as if I am falling from the edge she pushed me off of. "This has absolutely nothing to do with Namjoon. It has everything to do with me wanting some time by myself to figure some shit out. Do you tell your patients to pull themselves together? Because if you do, you're a shitty psychiatrist."

"Do not speak to me like that!" she snaps. "Do whatever you want, Jihyun. If you wish to be the shame of your family, be my guest. Call us when you grow up and stop being a brat."

It's official, she must be drunk. She actually hung up on me. She acted like a proper brat moments after accusing me of being a brat.

"Are you okay?" I hear Jungkook's sheepish voice.

"I have no fucking clue what the hell just happened," I deadpan.

"I'm guessing it didn't go well?"

"Well, after attacking me for not telling her about Namjoon and having a poor attendance record, she called me pathetic, a brat and a shame for the family, so I'm gonna say no, it didn't go well."

The moment Jungkook throws his arm over my shoulder and pulls me into him, I realize I am not just shocked but hurt as well. Not hurt enough to burst into tears because frankly, I'm used to not living up to their expectations. Still, it hurts. Even if it's just a little sting.

"They all suck and you are awesome," he tells me, running a soothing hand over my arm. "That's all."

"You know, for a stubborn person, I really am easy to break."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I'm studying psychology. I don't think I want to study psychology."

"I kind of got that impression before but I didn't want to say anything," he pouts at me.

"That's a first," I chuckle when he pinches my arm with the same hand he was comforting me with. "I mean... I guess I just didn't know what to do. And following the footsteps of successful parents couldn't have been a bad idea."

"It's a horrible idea if it's not what you want to do," he shakes his head. "You can't live by their rules, JJ. You shouldn't... live to please them. You need to do your own thing, whatever it is that makes you happy. If they can't accept that, they shouldn't be in your life. And let's face it, it's not like they're in your life right now. I've been around you for a while and this is the second time I've seen you talking to them. And the first time was about money," he points out.

He's right, he is spot on. I don't owe them anything. I am not on this planet to do what they want me to do. Even if that's what they want, I have every right to refuse.

"The problem is I'm not sure what I want to do," I reluctantly admit.

I don't think I ever admitted that to anyone. Not to my friends, not to Namjoon and definitely not to my parents. In fact, today's the first time I admitted out loud that I don't think psychology is for me. As far as everyone knows, I am 100% into it.