Don't look back

Fifty

Mary was facing social exclusion.

The four year old was facing social exclusion.

It was possibly due to her shy yet stubborn attitude. Maybe because she fearlessly defended her brother who walked around with his gun, glaring at everyone. Also maybe because she kept a knife in her sock. Definitely because she taught the other (older) children how to use guns. Even more defiantly because she had a meltdown and told seven year old Molly that soon enough her mother would also die. And also said that they were weak and would die soon if they didn't stop being afraid soon.
So now Mary wasn't allowed to play with the other children. Carl was angry and banned from using guns, as was Mary, and while Rick and Hershel gardened, Mary spent all of her time with adults on watch; Glenn, Maggie, Daryl, Michonne. Two weeks had passed since the Woodbury survivors had come to the prison, and already Mary didn't trust nor like them anymore.
"You know," Maggie began as they sat in the watch tower, "I bet if you said sorry to the other children then you could all play together again."
"I don't wanna." Mary mumbled, her body tense.
"You don't have to. But I think you'd be happier if you had more friends."
"I have lots," Mary insisted, "you and daddy and Glenny and Carl and Judith and Uncle Daryl."
"Okay. Okay, sweetie, that's fine." Maggie smiled gently.
"They're stupid though. They're weak."
"But Mary, you can't say that type of stuff to people. You have to think about their feelings."
"Okay." Mary sighed, biting her lip.
"Why don't you go play with Carl? He looks lonely."
Mary looked over at Carl sat throwing a tennis ball at the prison wall, his hat missing from his head, his hands in fists.
"Okay." Mary nodded. She got up and ran down to him, her bare feet slapping on the hot floor. "Carly, can I play?"
"Sure." Carl sighed, passing the ball to play catch with her.
"Why don't you wear your hat anymore? I miss it." Mary sighed.
"It's not a farming hat," Carl joked, "so I'll find a new one."
"Oh. Well, can I wear it?" Mary asked, almost nervously.
"Sure," Carl shrugged, "it's still in our cell, just in the little drawers dad got us."
Mary nodded with a smile, and ran into the cell. Their cell had been transformed over the past two weeks, and was now almost like a real, small bedroom. There was a curtain in place of a door with cartoon animals on it, and posters of animals, Disney characters, and comic book characters covered the walls. There was a tall, plastic set of blue drawers, the top two holding Carl's clothes and his hat, one of the bottom two holding Mary's clothes, and the other holding her coat, boots, and hair things. On top of the drawers was a small pile of Carl's comics that Michonne had found on a hunch, and he now adored, and also a few books on fairies and princesses and dragons and dinosaurs for Mary. In one corner was Mary's few toys; her Noah's Ark, a plastic train, some large Lego bricks, a soft football, and her sharpies and chalk.
She grabbed Carl's hat and put it firmly on her head, her hair in two French plaits, her bandana on her wrist.
"Hey, monkey," Rick smiled from the doorway, "did Carl say you can have that?"
"Yeah. He said while we're here he won't wear it, 'cos it's not a farming hat. If we're not here he can have it."
"Okay," Rick nodded with a gentle smile, "it looks good. Are you gonna help me water the plants?"
"Yep! It's my job." Mary grinned, getting up and taking Rick's hand, then walking outside with him. "Can I come on the run later?" She asked quietly, looking up at him.
"No. You stay here."
"But daddy, I'm a big girl, Mary whined, "I'll be good. I'll help."
"I don't see the point in putting you in unnecessary danger." Rick sighed.
"Please. I'll be good and safe. I'm not a baby and I'm not scared."
Rick sighed shakily, putting his hand to his head. "Let me think about it. Okay?"
"Daddy." Mary pleaded, and Rick looked at her with raised eyebrows.
"I'll think about it, okay? No whining. Come on." Rick said softly, but his voice was still slightly firm.
"Yes." Mary nodded, getting a watering can and tipping it into the water butt, then she watered the plants, in her own little world.
After she had done, around ten minutes later, Rick looked at her and sighed. "Mary, go put some shoes on. You can come with me."
The girl grinned happily, and ran to her cell. She pulled on her trainers, then went to Rick with an empty backpack on her shoulders. "I'm ready." She smiled, and Rick put a gentle hand in her shoulder.
"Go get in the car, yeah? I'm coming,"
Mary nodded, and ran to the car, getting into her car seat. Daryl and Rick got into the car, and then began to drive.
"Get some music on." Rick mumbled to himself.
"Mermaid!" Mary smiled, but Daryl had already passed him a disk, and AC/DC came on. Mary pulled a face, but when she saw Rick's small smile and him mouthing the words, she smiled too, and began to sing long to the few words that were repeated.
"You like it?" Rick laughed over the music.
"Yeah!" She lied, just wanting to make Rick happy. Sure enough it did, and the two men laughed. "Where we goin'?"
"To a shop. We've been before. It was safe then, and we blocked the entrances, so it'll still be safe."
"What type of shop?" Mary questioned.
"Food. Toiletries. Just general stuff."
"Is there eggs?"
"No." Rick smiled softly.
"I'm hot."
"Roll down your window a little then."
Mary nodded, and lowered her window, letting the rush of air hit her tiny hands.
"Can we get a dog yet?" Mary asked, and Daryl looked at Rick with raised eyebrows.
"Maybe if we find one." Rick nodded.
"I'll call it Maggie-Rick!"
"Okay," Rick laughed, "okay." Mary just smiled, and carried on putting her hands out of the window, listening to the music until they got to the shop. While Daryl got general stuff that they needed, Rick and Mary got food, then afterwards went to the children's section.
"Look at all this school stuff." Rick prompted, looking at jigsaws of world maps, big plastic magnetic letters, whiteboards, flash cards, and children's books on science.
"Can I have this one?" Mary asked, picking up a book on animals.
"Yeah, whatever you want. But it does look a little old. Like a big girl one. Shall we see if there's any little girl books? For you to read by yourself?"
"Okay." Mary nodded, walking to the toddler books. "Daddy, I can't read them."
"You'll be able to soon."
"No, daddy, I'm stupid." She whined.
"No, you're not. Don't be so silly. Your four. Just little still. We can take some home and learn them, okay?"
"Okay." Mary sighed.
"We'll have the one on a princess, this dog one, a fairy one, and this zoo animal one. Yeah?"
"Yeah." The child nodded, grabbing the books.
"And we can get the big girl book too, and come more pens. And choose something else as well, we have enough room."
"This." Mary grinned, running and grabbing a jigsaw of a world map.
"Okay. Come on, let's go home."
"Wait. I wanna get a comic for Carl."
"Is there even any comics?" Rick half laughed, and Mary shrugged, then ran off in search. She came back with a gift set, with a Marvel character cup and plate, and two comic books.
"He'll love that." Rick laughed, picking up the bags and grabbing Mary's hand.
"Grimes, yer shit at finding food." Daryl said gruffly, coming over with a shopping basket full of food.
"What? We've got loads." Ruck defended.
"You missed the candy isle." Daryl said sharply, then smiled slightly. "Come 'ere Big Ass Kicker."
Mary ran over, and hugged Daryl, making him step back slightly due to his many bags, then she looked into the basket, and her eyes went wide. "It has my name on!" She squealed, grabbing a bag of M&M's.
"Yeah," Rick laughed, "M for Mary."
"And Maggie! And Misnon! That means only us can eat them."
"Not daddy?" Rick gasped teasingly.
"You can have one." Mary nodded. "But it's Mary and Maggie."
"Okay." Rick chuckled.
"Can I eat them?" Mary asked giddily.
"Yep, when we get in the car though." Rick said, as they walked to the car. Mary sat in her car seat, surrounded by bags, eating M&M's, and listening to AC/DC for the whole ride home.
"Maggie! Mishy!" Mary screamed, getting out of the car.
"What? What's wrong!?" Maggie shouted, running over.
"Mary?!" Carl panicked, by her side in a second.
"I got Mary and Maggie and Mishy candy!" She smiled broadly, Michonne running over also worried.
"You're okay?" Michonne panicked.
"Yeah. I got candy for you!"
"Are you sure you're okay?" Carl said firmly.
"She's fine. Just a bit hyper." Ruck laughed.
"You scared us." Maggie sighed, picking her up and kissing the side of her head.
"Look! Mary and Maggie and Mishy candy!" Mary smiled proudly, showing her the M&M's.
"She's eaten, like, four packets." Rick said with an awkward and guilty smile.
"She's definitely not sleeping tonight then." Carl sighed.
"She's fine. She's having a good day." Rick shrugged with a smile.
"Hmm. Good parenting choice." Carl mumbled, walking off.
"Carl!" Rick hissed, and Mary saw the hurt in his eyes.
"Have a Mary candy." She smiled, passing him the piece of candy. He smiled at her, then Mary tipped some into Michonne's hand, the Maggie's, then her own.
"Love you Maggie." Mary smiled, turning around and kissing Maggie, then she leant over and kissed Michonne. "Love you too my Mishy. Daddy! Can we please have more candy?"
"Sure." Rick shrugged, as they walked into the cell block. "But save some room for dinner."
Mary nodded, and for dinner Carol made a stew which Mary ate quickly on Rick's lap, all of them eating outside in the evening sun. Rick pretended not to see some judgemental looks from other parents as Mary drank coke from a large bottle being passed around. Then Daryl passed out some beers he had found earlier on, and Rick found it hard not to say anything when most of the adults stared at him in shock when he let Carl have one, and Mary have a few sips. All of the original group just laughed.
"I like it." Mary smiled, going to drink some more.
"One more sip." Rick laughed. She grinned and drank more, then ran and grabbed some more candy, skittles this time.
"Play with me!" Mary giggled, and Rick got up and span her around, then threw her up in the air and caught her, her arms flailing in the sky. "Again!" She squealed, and Rick did as she said, screaming in delight.
"Please, you're going to hurt her." A new woman said quickly, the mother of Molly, the little girl who had been forbidden to play with Mary (after Mary taught her all about how people die).
"She's fine." Rick said sharply.
"Okay. I'm... Just trying to help. She's had a lot of soda and candy and let her have beer and..."
"She's fine," Rick snapped, "and I'd sooner my daughter be happy and safe and know how to look after herself, and enjoy her life, rather than sit bored. She's fine. I might be a single parent but I'm her dad! I can look after her! I know what's best."
And with that he walked away, holding Mary in his arms, possessive, angry, and protective.