Picture by: Imtoobiforyou on Tumblr
Do you ever have those days where you just feel... Down? Depression is wonderful, isn't it.
(Heavily inspired by the song 'Her Last Words')
TW: SUICIDE, SELF HARM, SELF DEPRECATION, MENTIONS OF EATING DISORDER
~
Virgil looked over and smiled at his friends. He laughed at Patton's jokes, was fascinated by Logan's knowledge, and flabbergasted by just how magnificent Roman was.
They invited him over to play with Thomas, he giggled and smiled as he sat next to Roman. They both lightly blushed and all the others thought it was adorable.
Virgil still remembers those times as clear as day. When he got older things got a lot colder. The teenage years was when it all started.
"Virgil what did you do?!" Roman shouted. Virgil flinched away, tears in his eyes. "He was about to ask him out and you ruined it by making him breakdown!"
Life's not what Patton told him it was. It's not full of great adventures or sunshine and rainbows. He's stuck in a fantasy while Virgil is left to deal with the real world.
"Hey what's up kiddo?" Virgil looked up at Patton with hope. 'Someone who was willing to listen,' he thought. "I've just been feeling down lately."
He heard Logan clear is throat, "It's just a mood swing from his hormones, It'll pass." He then looked over to Roman, who scoffed. "And I thought I was dramatic."
Tears brimmed at Virgil's eyes, but taking those hits from his 'friends' he decided it was best if he kept his thoughts and feelings to himself.
From then on he built walls around himself, letting no one in. He told himself every day that he was okay, that he was getting better. He knew he was lying. When he looked himself in the mirror, he smiled, but it didn't reach his dull eyes.
He hid in his room in the corner, trying not to let his tears fall. He knew he wasn't going to get better, he knew he wasn't going to be alright.
In summer it became harder, the heat making him sweat through his long sleeve shirts. He knew he couldn't take them off, he wouldn't let them see what he does to himself. When he paints his arm with silver and draws a crimson red that silenced the thoughts of his inevitable demise.
The cuts bled through his bandages, so he decided to update his wardrobe. He threw out his t-shirts, tank tops, shorts, anything that he classified to show 'too much skin' really. He replaced them with long sleeves, jeans, sweatpants, anything that was baggy and didn't show how bad he was really getting.
He knew he was depressed, but he didn't want to say it. He didn't believe it, he saw the signs but was in denial. He didn't want to be the stereotypical emo everyone saw him out to be.
So he carried on like everything was fine. He went on like a soldier with a battle wound, bleeding out from every sin his body consumed.
At this point he had no one to lean on, no anchor to keep him stable. If someone were to notice his injuries he would say he tripped and fell, and they believed it because Virgil was a piece of shit and was just clumsy. But in reality, they didn't care, no one cared to save him from the deep grave he dug himself.
Things still continued to spiral downwards for him, he was stuck, stuck in a stupid rut. He knew there was one way to get him out, and he practically shook the devil's hand as he agreed to join him.
He looked over at the noose already tied and laid out on his bed. He picked it up and tied it to the clothes rack in his closet. Then made his way to his desk and dragged his chair all the way into the closet making a dreadfully loud screeching noise against the floorboards. He earned Logan wrapping his knuckles against his wall, shouting through the wall, "Keep it down! Some of us are trying to help Thomas!"
That was another stab to the already wide tear in his heart, but he chuckled half-heartedly knowing that Logan won't have to worry about him being too loud anymore. He stumbled his way over to his desk and tore out a page in his journal, grabbing a pencil and starting to write with shaking hands.
"Look at me, are you proud of me now?" He mumbled, tears falling onto the paper that he ignored. But he knew that they weren't the ones to blame, it was him that should've told them while he still could when they didn't wish he would fade.
He finished writing and folded his note, returning to his closet. He stood on the chair and took one last look around his room, his eyes landing on a picture of them all when they were little. He smiled a bittersweet smile, 'Those were the good times, I miss those days.' His eyes then shifted to the smiling Roman, 'It'll all be over soon, you'll get what you want.' He thought as a tear slipped down his cheek.
He stuck his head in the loop, took a breath and kicked the chair from under him. It's all over, all gone, now he's welcoming death.
-
A week is what it takes for someone to notice Virgil's disappearance, and of course, Patton wants to check things out. He makes his way down the hallway, carrying a cup of coffee for Virgil. He pauses, seeing the door's wood cracked and decaying. Now alarmed he knocks on Virgil's door, searching for an answer, already knowing that the door is locked. Much to his disapproval, he doesn't get one, increasing his panic.
"Virgil? Kiddo? I brought you some coffee! Just the way you like it!" He shouted, still some hope in him that Virgil was just ignoring him. Still receiving no answer, he tried again more desperately, his voice shaky. "I-It's me, Patton! Kiddo? C-Come on o-out! It's j-just me!" He increasingly became louder, gaining the attention of the two other groggy sides who had just woken up.
Logan walked over to Patton, glancing at the decrepit door and his eyes widening. He calls Roman over as Patton backs away from the door stumbling. Roman looks Logan dead in the eyes and he nods. Roman lets out a sigh as he backs up, then running forward and ramming his side against the door, having the weak door bust open at the force. Patton walks in behind Roman as he looks around.
Patton frantically searches the room, checking the bathroom before hearing a scream from Roman. He looks back to see Roman looking into the closet, tears streaming down his face and looking absolutely traumatized. Logan comes to investigate and spots what Roman was staring at and stumbled backward, looking shaken.
Patton walks over last, looking into the closet from behind Roman. He falls down to the floor, tears streaming down his face as he sobbed. The little boy he practically raised is just hanging there, body pale and face violently bare.
Logan collects himself and makes his way over to Virgil's desk, seeing the note and unfolding it carefully. He hears Roman let out a sob, "How could this be fair?"
Logan starts reading aloud, tears finally set free. The others slowly make their way over to listen to Virgil's last words, as the room decays slowly around them.
"To those who used to care, I'm sorry guys but this world is just not my place. I've tried for so long to fix this and fit in. I've come to realize this world is full of sin. There's nothing for me here, I'm just a waste of space. I've got no reason to stay here with this awful race. It's a disgrace, I was misplaced, born at the wrong time and in the wrong place. It's okay though cause you'll see me soon, you'll know when your time has come just look at the moon, as it shines brightly throughout the night and remember everyone's facing their own fight. But I can't deal with the pain I'm not a fighter, you'll make it through the night, just hug your pillow tighter. So let the world know that I died in vain, cause the world around me is the one to blame. And I know in a year you'll all forget I'm gone, cause I'm not really something to be dwelled on. That's what they used to tell Thomas, all those kids in school. So I'm going by the law majority rules. My presence on this earth is not needed any longer, and if anything I hope this makes you stronger. You're the best friends that I ever had, such a shame I had to make you all so very sad. Just remember that you meant everything to me, and to my heart, you're the only one that held the key. Now it's time to go I'm running out of space to write. I know I lost my fight, but just hold on tight. I'm watching over you from the clouds above, and sending down the purest and the whitest dove. To watch over you, and be my helpful eye, so this is it world, goodbye..."
