MUMMY

Chapter Two - Mummy

That, that cannot be seen but can truly be felt, cannot be denied.

K B Mallion

And I have felt Heidi-May.

I have felt her.

I have heard her.

I continue to feel her.

And I continue to hear her.

It all began so very quietly, so unobtrusively.

The first time was whilst I slept. I was woken to a very quiet little girls voice. Ever so faintly, she called out. "Mummy."

Knowing that I had been actually woken up by the weak little voice, I listened hard again, but all I could hear was the thumping of my own stunned heart. In the dead of night, it was dark and so peacefully quiet. I knew that the tiny voice had come from behind me, so I slowly turned around in my bed. No one was there, yet I knew I had been woken by the little girl calling out for her mummy.

When I got up the next morning, a new kind of heaviness began to weigh me down. I knew what I had heard, yet began doubting myself. I never told anyone, not even my husband.

They already all thought I was fragile, borderline unstable, so to tell them that I was hearing a little girl, would only have had them worrying some more about me.

So, I kept quiet.

I kept what I had heard, only to myself.

When I came home from work later that day, I tried to push away all that had been burdening my thoughts. I began making dinner, ready for when Damian would come home. I put on Spotify, anything to help drown out the memory of that little girls voice. And it was whilst I chopped broccoli and peeled carrots, that the kitchen light began to flicker above me.

I looked up, and as soon as I did, the flickering would stop.

As soon as I would look away, it began again.

Flicker. Look. Stop.

Look away. Flicker. Look again. Stop.

Over and over, the illumination game went on.

When Damian finally did get home, I asked him to change the light bulb, as I figured it was on its last illuminating leg.

He did. But as soon as I was on my own again, it began the flicker look stop thing, strangely all over again.

That night, I struggled to fall asleep. But eventually, I did.

All the doubts, all the unsettling confusion that had dogged me down during the entire day, would soon be stopped in its tracks.

At some sleepy point, I was being roused by something. By a something that didn't want me to sleep. With my head snuggled up against my soft pillow, I was lulled awake. And whilst my eyes adjusted to the darkness within the room, it was then that I felt gentle taps on my back. The taps were featherlight, but I knew I was feeling them. I just remained still, aware that someone was definitely standing behind me next to my side of the bed. Damian was firm asleep beside me, so I began just listening to his and my own breathing, not wanting to ever turn around. The taps on my back stopped. So, I relaxed. Convincing myself that I'd just dreamt those tiny little taps. And it was just as I exhaled a slow and relaxed breath, that I heard. "Mummy."

I stilled again. It was the same weak little voice. The same small little girl. "Mummy." It was just a tiny whisper. A whisper that didn't want to go away. "Mummy." Again, she insistently whispered some more.

I knew I was awake, but kept telling myself that I must be asleep. Or why else was I hearing a little girl calling out mummy?

Once I had calmed myself, forcing myself to think that I was experiencing some weird dream within yet another weird dream, I pulled the duvet up higher over my body. And just as I did that, I heard a loud and very frustrated. "Mummy!"

Annoyed and unnervingly alarmed, I loudly answered back. "What do you want?" Now turned around, I am faced with nothing but the blackness of the bedroom.

No little girl.

No voice.

No nothing.

Trying to make sense of what had just happened, I know that sleep evaded me for the rest of that night. Because deep in my heart, I knew that little girl was my Heidi-May.

She was calling out to me.

Calling out for her mummy.

Reaching out to touch her mummy.

The whispers, the flickering lights, the gentle taps and the frustrated cry outs, were all my baby girls doing. She was wanting me to notice her. To finally acknowledge her. To accept that she really was there.

Being her mummy, I had to notice her. Being her mummy, I had to acknowledge her. Being her mummy, I had to accept she really was there.

That became the beginning.

The beginning of it all.