Passenger | Unedited Version

chapter twelve | come in with the rain

chapter twelve | come in with the rain 

"Do you ever think about the future?" Indie breaks the peaceful silence by asking me a question. I can't see what her face looks like from my position on her lap, but I can only imagine that she's staring off into the distance, letting her eyes reflect the night sky with each star brighter than the last. Ever since we've been laying down on her bed, she hasn't been completely here and there's something almost magical about the way that the mood is set.

        "All the time," I answer back truthfully. I spend way too much time worrying about what the future holds for me, which can't be all that good for my mental health or the sake of me ever finding inner peace. It seems to me that all I ever do is think about the future and where I want to be in ten years from now. Mama says that it isn't healthy to put so much of my focus into that kind of thing, but I've never been able to stop. 

        I can feel it as Indie shifts back a little bit, probably wishing that she had something to support her back. Although she's a couple of inches taller than me, I'm not exactly that light of a load to balance on someone's thighs.  If it were to start hurting would Indie or I be too caught up in the clouds to notice? I can't really do anything about it now and neither can Indie, so there isn't much sense in thinking about it and let the moment of doubt pass. 

        Once she get's herself situated, she comes out of her daze somewhat and starts the conversation again. "You do?" 

        "Yeah." I let out a sigh to show her how much I wish I didn't have to answer a yes to her question. "I don't know why, but I always have the future in the back of my mind. Back when I was a good bit younger, I did every little move in retrospect to the future. All the classes I signed up for high school had to do with that I wanted to do when I was older, every activity I did in my free time had to have some sort of impact later on, just like my wardrobe matched what I thought was going to still be popular later on. I was right about the clothes thing, though, so that was always a plus in middle school." 

        "Do you still think like that?" She sounds like she deeply cares about what I have to say, which makes me feel even more giddy than I did when she first gestured for me to sit on her lap and cuddle with her. It's like she's hanging on to every word I say, taking the time to invest in every nouns and adjective I use to further demonstrate my thoughts. I like that she's actually listening and caring what I have to say, as it shows that she really wants to know the way that I think. What a babe.

        I hesitate before answering her, even though I know the answer without having to think too hard. I don't want her to know that the truth is a certain, hard yes. What does that leave her to think about our relationship? I don't think that she would appreciate the fact that I've planned out what our life is going to be like, if we happen to still be together like I hope we will be, in a few years. That could easily be really clingy and stalkerish, which I'm starting to think that I'm both of those things these days.  

        I don't want to lie to her, so I tell her the whole truth. "I still think like that, yeah." 

        "That means that you've thought about us like that, right?" She asks the question that I really wish that she wouldn't, but she doesn't sound like she's freaked out or about to file a restraining order. She actually sounds quite the opposite, almost as if she wants me to say yes to her. Like she's thought about us, too.

        At this point I don't think that she cares that I'm acting like a clingy five year old, but I can't help but answer her in a quiet voice that doesn't fit the strength of my emotions. "You're right; I've thought about our future together and what that would be like."