One-shot Tragedies

Silence

You're a FAKE, a BITCH, and utterly ABNORMAL.

Remove my number from your phone book, I don't like you sending me messages anyway.

I sat frozen for a minute. Without thinking twice, I threw my phone away, hearing a loud crash as I left my room.

Where's that damn book?

I went to the kitchen and found the crisp paperback on the counter. I snatched it and quickly settled myself on the couch.

I bit my lip in frustration. This is useless. I can't even understand the words. I closed it furiously and was on the edge of losing myself when I remembered that this book is not mine. I just borrowed it from a friend. If I return this to her in a bad state, she'll gladly hack my head off.

With a bitter laugh, I placed the novel at the top of the side table. I gritted my teeth as I returned back and opened the computer. I tapped my fingers impatiently on my desk as the monitor blinked. I needed to divert my attention. I needed to relax. I can't get myself to lose my cool. But I did, and that ruined my day.

No matter how much I hated to think about them, those two sentences continued to haunt my thoughts. They repeated an echoed inside my head without fading away. They were unwanted and unbearable, but I can't ignore them.

This is just great. I thought today was perfect. Today was supposed to be perfect. For gods sake, it's my birthday!

But no matter how many greetings I received today, no matter how much I tried to smile in front of anyone, no matter how good I acted, I can't hide the fact that I'm bleeding inside.

It was simply heart breaking. I can literally feel the aching of my heart, like the organ itself was ripping into pieces. I can feel the heavy weight of my soul, as if I was under water, and to top it off, drowning.

Oh god, what have I done wrong? What did I do to deserve this?

I've accepted it a long time ago that no matter how much I behave myself, not everyone will like me. I have faults, a lot of it, but I tried my best to hide them. But what I didn't expect were how much those two sentences meant to me.

Sure, I've experienced tons of these things before. Perhaps worse. I don't mind them anymore, believing that ignoring will eventually lead to forgetting. But they still left scars inside of me, making me different from what I used to be. I'm weaker now. I'm vulnerable. I suffered in silence.

Those two simple lines were like bombs, destroying what little peace I have in me. If only I can erase them from my mind just as I deleted them from my phone...

Why was I this affected? No. I'm not guilty or anything. It's just that I was caught off guard, with my spine shaken.

They came from two different senders.

The first one was registered in my phone as a number. It came from someone anonymous. Actually, it was the first message I received when I woke up.

'Oh, must be a greeting from an acquaintance,' I told myself. I read the message eagerly, but wished I never did.

It came from someone who claimed to be the mother of a friend. She told me that she doesn't want me to text his son anymore. That I wasn't worth his time. That I was sick. Because I am a FAKE, a BITCH and utterly ABNORMAL.

That left my mouth gaping. I just woke up then, and what the f***? I reread the whole text, thinking that maybe I misunderstood. But I was half-sobbing s the truth sank in. It was clearly for me.

Disoriented as I was, I replied to her with a polite, "Excuse me, who is this?"

Maybe she sent wrong, or maybe it was just a prank. I waited for her response, but she never sent one.

So, I need to accept it. It was really mine.

But what the heck was she talking about?

Honestly, I've never been in a relationship since birth. But I am proud of that. So clearly I am currently not going out with anyone. From my past experiences with falling in love one-sidedly, I learned my lesson well. I refused all my suitors, driving them away like swarms of bees. I can clearly tell that they don't really love me, that they have other motivations in mind.

I might be one of a kind. Unique, I may say. Everyone is different, doesn't she know that? So how come I'm abnormal?

I might be kind of shady, and don't like sharing my public life with anyone, but I've been a foolishly honest girl. Sometimes, my sharp tongue can get me into trouble. I hide things, yes. But I don't lie. That doesn't make me a fake.

How can a complete stranger judge and criticize me without knowing the real me? I can't let that off the hook. It took me a couple of hours to manage my brimming anger. God, whose mother could it be?

I have a few names in mind, but suspecting them brought forth a different set of agony in me. So before I end up in an asylum, I let that pass...

What astounded me was the second message. It was rather unexpected.

It came from the one who I considered to be one of my closest friends. Someone who I can trust and rely on. So his message was like a kick to my gut.

Did he hate me? Hated me so much I was not worth anything?

I admit, we had a few quarrels in the past. And I was wrong back then. I didn't value him and taken his friendship for granted. But I repented and he forgave me.

We were classmates, so having a conversation can't be avoided. Although I tried my best to patch up our bond, he grew distant from me. Occasionally, he would approach me, but that's the end of it. I kept silent, not knowing how to react in that kind of situation.

Today, I thought things were going my way. I was literally jumping for joy when I saw his name on my inbox. Oh boy, I wish I just deleted it.

If he didn't like me, why didn't he just tell me from the very start?

I would have avoided him, if that's for the best.

How can he be so insensitive?

Against my better judgment, I did what he told me. If this is what he wants, I would give it.

I just hope I wouldn't end up regretting this later.

Good thing that I don't have school tomorrow. I have a day to put myself back in one piece. I have one day to revive my spirit.

As I ended up with that conclusion, I turned of my computer. I stood up and went to bed, although I was far from sleeping. I caressed my pink bear and hugged it tightly. Just then, I felt tears ran down my face as I remembered my impossible birthday wish.

'My Airi, I wanted you back. I needed you back..."

Unconsciously, I felt again the pain and agony of losing him. I dearly wished that it was not his mother who texted me.. that she was not the reason why he left me alone, waiting...