We Fell In Love Over Summer - KLANCE

but, I love you

>>Okay, I don't know what happened, but I just now found out it is Thursday instead of Wednesday? My brain is seriously messed up guys. I might have to consider sleeping more than four hours a night... <<

July morphed into August and August went by without you coming to visit me. I was confused, missed your touch, missed your smile. But kept telling myself that, no, he'd come. Just wait, you'll see. Tomorrow he is here, bothering you about your coke drinking.

But you didn't come. So I got worried.

Maybe you had gotten into an accident? Broken your legs? I couldn't think of any scenario where one of your siblings wouldn't come to alert me. Because surely, if you died they'd let me know, right?

All these thoughts haunted me at night, as I sat on my balcony, looking out over Ursa Minor and Gemini. I didn't even feel the need to sip my coke.

But, on the twentieth of August, the worry got the best of me and I finally decided to visit you. I didn't walk to your house but ran. Idly touching the tattoo on my hip over the fabric of my yoga pants. I already felt like I had lost you, somehow. I couldn't imagine you leaving, or, god forbid, dying. Guess I was wrong.

I didn't waste any time and rang your bell. Your mom opened the door, confused to see me. I didn't get why, but didn't ask.

"Is Lance home?"

"Sweety, relax."

I hadn't realized I had started to breathe hard. But my heart had climbed up to my throat and it was hard to swallow past it. "I need to see him."

"What's wrong?" She was so patient, so sweet. And suddenly I got where you got your superpower from.

"Lance hasn't come to see me. For three weeks. And I need to know."

I knew how I looked. A frantic eighteen year old, eyes darting from place to place behind her, in hopes of spotting that familiar grin and the sparkle in your eyes. My hands clenched and unclenched. I was a wreck.

And then, then she told me that you weren't home. A crease in her eyebrows told me there was more.

"Why isn't he here?" I was still standing outside. Whipping back and forth on my feet.

When your mother looked at me again, I decided I hated pity. "Didn't he tell you?"

"No," I snapped. Sorry for snapping at your mother, she didn't deserve it. But you weren't there to snap at. "That's why I'm here. I don't know what's going on."

"Why don't you come inside for a bit?" She already moved aside to let me in.

"No, thank you. I just came to get Lance." My voice was sharp in contrast to her calm tones. I suddenly remembered why my teacher used to tell me I had anger management issues. But your mother's eyes that looked so much like yours kept me from doing anything impulsive.

"Oh, honey."

"What?" I was getting really fucking nervous. What wasn't she telling me?

"He is not home."

"Then where is he?"

She bit her lip. And in that moment she looked so much like you. "I can't believe he didn't tell you."

"Didn't tell me what?"

"He went away. To college."

I knew she was talking. Somewhere in my mind I registered words. But they just didn't reach me. He went away. To college, was enough. Enough to let me know you were gone. Wouldn't come back for a while, too. Enough to let me know I was alone. Again.

"But, I love him," I had muttered. I don't remember exactly what happened next. I only know that one emotion I felt. Regret. Because I didn't tell you, and now it was too late. I remember how I ran away. I left your mother in the doorstep and ran. Only stopped when I had no breath left in my lungs.

And then I fell to the ground, in the middle of the sidewalk, and cried. Screamed, yelled. Asked for you to come back. To fix me. To let me say those words I had forgot to tell you.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

It was a mantra. Easy to remember. Easy to say. But still, I had never done it.

I now knew what David Bowie was singing about.

Your circuit's dead, there's something wrong. And I was lost in space.  

>>Also, sorry for like, the angst.<<