Do You Remember...? || yoonmin

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Dear Yoongi,

Remember our first month of dating?

I do.

I remember everything, every detail.

I remember how you used to call me baby, how you cuddled me, how you kissed me so gently.

I loved it when you held my hand, how you kissed me, how you hugged me.

I was honestly so happy, happy to be yours.

You treated me so well, I felt so loved.

But it was too good to be true.

One day at school, when we walked down the hallway, I tried to hold your hand, but you just pushed me away.

I was so confused but I just thought I was starting to be too clingy, so I backed off.

When we got to your place you started yelling at me, asking me if I was cheating on you because I was being so distant.

I shook my head, tears falling from my eyes as I headed towards the door.

"Where the fuck are you going, slut?!" you yelled at me and gripped my wrist.

You pushed me against the door and grabbed me by the neck.

"Am I not good enough for you?" he asked.

"I am not cheating on you Yoongi." I said.

You kept yelling about how I was just a cheating faggot, but if I was a fag than what were you?

You said you loved me, doesn't that make you queer too?

After a few minutes, you calmed down, you started apologizing over and over again.

I told you it was okay even though I was so hurt by your words.

The next day at school, I was acting like nothing happened.

I tried to hold your hand again, but you just shook my hand away.

I thought you just weren't into showing much skinship in the open, but I found out you were just ashamed.

I didn't know if you were ashamed of the fact that you liked guys or me.

That day we got into a fight, about a year and a half ago, you told me that we were lovers just behind closed doors, away from the public's eyes.

It hurt, so bad, but I agreed because it was what you wanted and I wanted you to be happy. So if that made you happy I was happy.

Few weeks after that fight I came into the cafeteria and saw a girl sitting on your lap and making out with you.

I stood there for a minute or two, you stopped making out with a smirk on your face.

Jin and Tae walked into the cafeteria. They saw what was happening.

I guess that you heard them call my name because your head snapped at me and your eyes widened, the smirk long was gone.

I just turned around and walked out, ignoring the shouting of my name, ignored Jin and Tae, just walking past them.

They were the only ones who know how I felt about you.

You walked out behind me, you pulled me to the bathroom and checked if anyone was there before talking.

"Look, she means nothing, okay." He spoke.

"Yoongi, why should I care? We are just friends."

"Jimin, you are my boyfriend."

"No, I am your boyfriend when we are in your or my house, behind closed doors."

I left after that, leaving you dumbfounded, in the middle of an empty bathroom.

I took a shaky breath and continued with my day.

A few weeks later a boy came to our school, Jungkook.

He was one of my best friends, we got very close and that made you mad.

You got jealous of Kookie.

We had another argument because of that.

It ended with you apologizing and me forgiving you, just like always.

A few days later I got beat up, you saw it, but you did nothing. You just watched.

Did you feel good seeing me get beat up by our peers? Did it feel good seeing me so weak and helpless? Did it feel good hearing me call for help?

It certainly didn't feel good to me.

"Why didn't you help me?"

"Jimin, I told you already. You are just my friend in front of other people."

"But friends help each other too," I mumbled looking at my feet.

After about a month, I heard you talking about me with someone again. You called me worthless, ugly, annoying, clingy, said I gained weight and that I look like a fat ass marshmallow, you said that you would do anything to get me to stay away from you.

After hearing that, I went back to my diet, only eating an apple a day, nothing more.

I kept some distance, but not too much distance to make you think I'm cheating on you.

It wasn't the last time I heard you talking shit about me.

June 20th, 2017

Exactly a year ago.

The day I did something I said I never would.

I cut for the first time.

My parents were barely home to notice something was wrong with me and it seemed to me that you didn't either.

My cheeks got hollowed out, my ribcage was showing, but this time it was a lot more than the first time I went on this diet, my thighs also got smaller.

All my clothes were too big for me, but if it meant you would think I was beautiful, it was okay.

My wrists got more and more decorated with the cuts I made.

One day you said you didn't want me to be friends with Jungkook, you said that he looks at me like he wants to kiss me.

I agreed, I wanted to make you happy.

So, I stopped hanging out with Jungkook and in return, you broke up with that girl.

I got sympathetic looks from people, overheard them say I was anorexic. But I would do anything to make you happy.

It was hot, but I never took off my jacket.

It was summer break so we spent more time as a couple.

After summer break came another year of school.

It was the same thing over and over again.

I started to push Jin and Tae away, they kept telling me you weren't good for me. I didn't listen, another one of my stupid mistakes.

Few weeks after the year started we got into a big argument, you told me you wanted space, I gave it to you.

Because if you are happy, so am I.

Your, Jimin