She's My Boyfriend

6 "It's bloody breezy."

Sunlight filtered through the curtains of Lou’s bedroom and various bodies lay strewn across the floor in varying degrees of consciousness. Alex groaned as he slowly drifted back from an uneasy sleep.

“You bastards.” He muttered. “You bloody stupid prat.” He didn’t know who he was addressing but he wasn’t happy with whoever they may be.

There was a retching sound as someone emptied their innards into a bin. The room was a haze of smoke and alcohol fumes. Alex sat up and instantly regretted his decision. Nothing was still and everything seemed to be wobbling slightly as though made of jelly. He looked around the room.

“Lou? Kim?” he whispered.

There was a thump and a muttered swearword as Lou rolled off of his bed and landed painfully onto the floor. Alex smiled briefly and then Lou looked up at him and raised his eyebrows.

“Make me feel fantastic huh? I feel like death.” Alex said.

“You look like it.” Smiled Lou.

“Well thanks a lot anyway.”

“You’re very welcome.” Lou grinned and looked at Alex, “Oh, right, sarcasm.”

Alex nodded.

“Well, how do you think I felt watching my best pal take a beating like that? Though I have to say you did pretty well, you managed to stay on your feet for two of his right hooks, that has to be some kind of record.”

Alex didn’t care, his head was throbbing and he had no idea whether or not it was the result of being hit repeatedly by King Kong or shots of a foreign alcohol that may or may not be used to power Russian tanks.

“Where the hell was Kim anyway?”

“Yeah Kim what were you doing in Alex’s time of need?”

The two of them looked around the room and there was no reply.

“Kim?”

Then, as if on cue, the door flew open and a body staggered into the gloom.

“Hello bitcheeeeeees.” Kim giggled as he stumbled forward and landed in Lou’s lap.

“God, he’s still drunk.” Muttered Lou.

“I didn’t think he could drink that much.”

Lou looked up and gave Alex a did-you-seriously-just-say-that kind of look.

“He can’t.”

“Kim, what have you been doing?”

“I’m sorry.” Kim swallowed, “but I think you have to rephrase that to whom have I been doing?” He laughed again a high pitched little giggle than seemed more fitting for a pre-pubescent girl than a seventeen year old male.

The other’s eyes widened at the thought of Kim having more success with the ladies than themselves.

“Who?” they both said simultaneously. Kim shrugged and played it cool as he could.

“Just some girl.”

There was a buzz and the sound of a vibrating phone.

“Shit.” Lou exclaimed as he began scrabbling through the mess of his room looking for his phone.

The screen lit up with a new notification.

Your friend Kim has been tagged in a video

Lou pressed play and began to smile instantly.

The video quality wasn’t great but he could clearly make out the tuxedoed body of Kim thrusting back and forth against a female form. Alex and his suited companion joined Lou on the edge of the bed and stared at the screen. There were a few flashes which illuminated the figure and Alex and Lou roared with laughter and then stopped because it hurt their heads. The girl Kim had been ‘doing’ was in actual fact a statue from the History of Art department used to look at classical sculpture.