I'm not Sorry {Ban x Reader}

Nightmares

-(Y/N)'s POV-

I barely ate that morning, I didn't feel sick or anything- but something just felt off to me. I didn't realize Elizabeth was calling my name before Ban threw a knife right past my ear that brought my mind back to reality.

I glare at him before I turn to face the princess. "What?"

"Are you feeling okay? You haven't touched your food and overall you look horrible!" She exclaimed with a very concerned expression. "Yeah-yeah I'm okay, just... tired" I answer as I run my fingers through my (h/c) hair.

It went silent for a little bit, and I could feel the eyes on me. "I'm gonna go try and get a little more sleep, see if that helps." I say as I get up from my seat at the table.

"Oh okay. Call us if you need anything (Y/N)." Diane mentions. I nod before walking to the room I was staying in. I kick off my shoes, and as soon as my head hits the pillow, I'm out cold.

"(Y/N)- (Y/N)!" I turn my head to the voice that was calling my name and realize that I'm sitting by a tree, with... with Ban.

He had his hand on my shoulder as he seemed to have been shaking me. "Ban?" "Yeah, who the fuck else would I be?" He replied.

"Why are we out here?" I ask, rubbing my temples. "Something is fucking wrong with you. We've been dating for almost a year now and you started complaining about how we never went on an actual  date. So you literally packed a picnic that took two minutes, grabbed my hand and brought me here!" His voice became more agitated as he spoke.

I looked up at his maroon fox like eyes and furrowed my eyebrows. This wasn't right... none of this felt real.

I clenched my fist and that's when I hit him. I hit him hard, right on the side of the head. His hand came up to meet the place on his face that already started forming a bruise. Then his head turned in my direction as his form towered over mine. "WHAT THE HELL (Y/N)!"

"You're not Ban. This isn't real, none of it is!" I chuckle softly. "As badly as I want this to be true, for us- Ban and I to not despise each other... for us to be... close. I can't fall for this." I look back up at him. His seems surprised, and looks as if he's struggling to decipher what the hell just happened. But that was the truth, when I first saw Ban on my mission to kill them- something just seemed different. It almost felt like there was a possibility of falling for him. I tried denying it  over and over, but the thought of it never really left me.

"Him huh? You're falling for... him?!" The whisper like voice I've become so accustomed to spoke from the form of indeed the man I was beginning to fall for. His eyes had been closed, but when he reopened them, they were pure yellow. "Clever girl, but not clever enough."

Those words sent a chill throughout my body, and almost instantly felt terrified. "You let yourself become weak, vulnerable, flawed. That was not our plan for you. So we'll just have to deal with that now. I hope you won't take it out on yourself if anything were to... hm I don't know, happen to him. Of course no harm will come to him if you just came back with me. Your father will be delighted to meet you." 

With those last words he vanished and my heart began to pound. "Nononono. He can't... HE CAN'T DO THIS!" I scream as I punch the tree. "WHY WON'T THEY LEAVE ME ALONE?" The fear I felt, began turning into anger- I didn't realize this at the time, but the spot I punched the tree began setting on fire which then started spreading... fast. The bandages wrapped around my hands were now singed as fire started consuming my hands. My anger didn't siege and the forest  was quickly becoming engulfed in flames. 

I then realized what was happening and panic took over as I tried to stop the fire, I had no control. I dropped to me knees as everything inside me became numb. 

The fire stopped spreading, and tears began running down my face and landing on my lap. 

This wasn't happening- but then I woke up to someone grabbing me and then the feeling of being hugged. I was confused, but then I felt the burning feeling in my eyes that only comes with crying. Soon after though... I realize the person hugging me, is Ban. He pulled away after he realized I had woken up and looked me up and down as if to make sure I was okay. "Jesus (Y/N) what the hell was that about?" "Nothing..." I wipe my face to wipe away the tears. "It was just a nightmare." 

"Some nightmare then. You were screaming and-" He stops and seemed to look down at the bed but quickly looks back up at me with a worried expression. "um... you were crying. So I came in here to see what was going on but I couldn't snap you out of it." I decided to look down at the area he had spotted only to see the singed edges on the blanket and burned bandages on my hands. 

"(Y/N)... what was the nightmare about exactly?" My heart stopped for a second as I tried to find the words say. "My family..." That obviously wasn't the truth really, but I didn't want to tell him what actually happened. He hesitated as he narrowed his maroon eyes to look directly into my (e/c). 

"How about the bandages. You've never really explained the reason you where bandages on your hands at all times." He mentions as he looks at my hands and his eyes widen slightly. I reactively cover them up with the blanket, guessing he caught a glimpse of my scars. "I... at first when my powers were new to me, my body obviously wasn't used to it, and the flames burned parts of my skin on my hands and arms- causing scars. Never mind... it's not important. I'm hungry, I'm gonna go make some food quickly." I began to stand up but he pushed my back down. 

"We all have our flaws. So if you are so ashamed that you are not fucking perfect, fine- cover your scars up. But do you see this?" He runs his fingers along the scar on his face and neck. "This wasn't even from an actual battle. But do you see me covering it up? No. But do what you want I guess." He then stood up and began walking out of the room. "Ban?" He stops and turns to face me. "Hm?"

"Thank you." I say. He nods and then leaves the room, which then left me to wonder what that dream was going to lead to.

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Hey guys! Sorry I am really bad at updating, I just haven't had the motivation for this story that I used have but I didn't want to drop this without finishing it. So I'm pushing to get it done. There probably won't be a crap ton of more chapters in this but I will surely finish it for you guys.

And on top of that I've been kinda doing a decent amount of self discovery regarding identity and things like that, plus pride month was last month- so happy late pride to all of you queers out there.

Anyways, stay awesome warriors!