“Listen mate I do not know what you did to Harry but he came over and was a mess I tried to make him tell me but he just kept sobbing and saying your name.
Then he told me that he wanted to stay with me and I let him. He should be over soon to pick up his things. Damn it Louis you should be the one comforting him. What did you do? “
-Zayn
When I finished reading the text I couldn’t help but feel a lump in my throat, Zayn was aiming the fault at me and it was true I did damage Harry but not on purpose. I needed Harry to know that I needed to let him know that I would never act like that on purpose. I started to clean the flat trying my best to impress Harry and put on the outfit that he had given me for my birthday, a blue striped shirt with red trousers. People always noticed that I wore this a lot and that was the reason, because Harry gave them to me and in a small significant way it made me feel like he still cared about me. After I stared to make tacos, Harry’s favorite. If he would just sit down and eat and hear me out I could tell him what happened, I could change his mind. I was done setting up the place and sat down and waited for Harry to arrive. I sat for 32 minutes; I counted, until the door knob started to turn. I felt my breath hike and my heart beat go faster when I saw the familiar mop of brown hair. “Harry, I made your favorite, please sit with me?” I said very slowly I wanted to sound confident but in reality it sounded like a whisper.
“You didn’t have to waste your time; I already ate at Zayn’s. I just want to pick my stuff up and get the hell out of here” he started to make his way to the room that we shared but stopped when he saw what I was wearing. I saw his eyes get softer and his bottom lip start to quiver as he ran his eyes up and down me. “why are you wearing that” his deep voice sent shivers down my spine and I couldn’t help but look at his eyes to make him look at me, to let him see the sorrow in my eyes. “You gave it to me” I said, again only sounding like a faint whimper. Then his face changed, it seemed to go from soft and preoccupied to hard and stern. “You look like a right git” he said as he walked away to the room. By this point I was fighting back the tears and had to keep closing my eyes to stop them from falling. My throat was now on fire and I couldn’t take it any longer. So I stormed into the room yelling at him. “What the hell is wrong with you?! I know that I fucked up, and I know that I hurt you but damn it Harry I’m trying here. I want to make it up to you I want you to stay here not be with Zayn!!! Please…don’t leave me” I said the last part in a whisper to make sure that he would pay attention and it did. He turned around and was crying. “Listen Louis, I don’t expect you to understand but I just need to leave ok? I can’t be around you; I need some time to think to myself and to clear some things up”
“What do you mean? Have you been keeping secrets from me Haz?” the fact that I used his nickname got to him he looked at me and started to breakdown. He fell to the floor and brought his knees to his chin as he cried. I stood there for a moment before I decided to go and hug him but he didn’t let me. “No louis… just stop being so cruel” I don’t think that he meant for me to hear the last part but I did and I was now completely dumfounded. How was I being cruel to him? He started to make his way to the door and that was when I really lost it. “NOOOO!!!” I launched myself at him and grabbed him by the legs to make sure that he could not move. “No Harry, no, you can’t leave me here alone, you just can’t… I need you…. I just can’t let you leave.” I was bawling into his sweat pants and started to notice that I was wetting it with my tears. He slowly bent down and lifted me up from his legs by holding my sides. “Bye Boo Bear” were his last words as he left the flat.
~~~
I woke up panting and I looked over to the empty bed that Harry used to sleep in. I can’t go on like this, I need to let him now that I need him, that I want him back, I thought that this was what friends feel when they lose each other but this is stronger than that, I’m in love with him. I felt that if I stayed in this quiet room I would go insane so I put some random music on Pandora and let the music play but I was taken aback when the song started to play and I started to cry for the millionth time this week.
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
Bye Boo Bear
Start from the beginning
