Through the Night

Chapter 14: Unlovable

Stacie's POV

"Is this..?" I started.
"This is my mom." Aubrey finished, getting down on her knees. "Hey mom. This is Stacie, my friend. I wish you could've been alive to meet her. You would've really liked her."
     I wiped my eyes, and Aubrey looked up at me with concern.
     "What's wrong?"
     "Nothing, it's just. Why me?" I asked. "Why'd you take me here." She smiled.
     "You've done so much for me recently." She said. "You brought me takeout in the hospital, you spent your days off with me. For God's sake, you pulled over on the side of a road you didn't know for me. There's no one else I'd rather bring here."
Aubrey stood up and hugged me. I didn't want to let go. For once, I felt safe.
I should've told her then. I should've told her how I felt. She was opening herself up to me, but I couldn't bring myself to say anything.
    
     Aubrey ended up telling me about her mother. At least, what she knew.
     She asked about my past, but I brushed it off, saying that today was about her, and not me.
     
      Truthfully, there are some things that no one should know.
     Not even the person you love.

            
                         Beca's POV

     "I still don't think this is a good idea." I grumbled, following Chloe into the dorms. "How much money did you bribe him with anyway?"
     "Only like 100 bucks." She said.
     "What the hell, Chloe?!" I exclaimed, louder than intended, and she kissed me, shutting me up.
     "Babe, you have to trust me. And shut your mouth, someone might think I'm kidnapping you."
    
              
                   Aubrey's POV

     Stacie pulled up in the parking lot of my dorm. I placed my hand over hers.
     "Thank you, for today." I said.
     "I should be thanking you." She responded. "I'm the one who got the full Aubrey Posen backstory." I laughed as we got out of the car.
     "Do you want to, maybe stay over?" I asked, hesitantly. "We could watch movies. Or something." I half expected her to decline, but she surprised me. She always does.
     "I'd love to." Stacie said.

      We walked into the building and I swear I saw a glimpse of fiery red hair running through a hallway. I brushed it off.
     Stacie and I entered the elevator, and pressed my floor number. I saw sweat glistening on Stacie's forehead.
     "You okay?" I asked.
     "Yeah, I just don't really like small spaces."
     "Claustrophobic?"
     "Something like that—"
     Stacie was interrupted by a loud noice from above. Suddenly I could feel the elevator stop moving.
     "What the hell?" Stacie said, trying to press the open button, but nothing happened. I pressed the emergency button, but still, nothing happened.

     We were stuck.

     Stacie started pacing around anxiously.
     "Hey, we're going to be fine." I said. "Someone should be here soon."
     I gasped as the lights flickered, and shut off. Quickly, I pulled out my phone, but there was no signal.
     "Why the hell is there no signal?" I said to myself. "We're in a damn dormitory."
     Instead I used my phone as a light, only to see Stacie curled up in a ball in the corner of the elevator. Her head was hidden between her knees and her chest.
     I kneeled down beside her and rubbed her back.
     "Hey, hey. What's wrong?" I asked.
     "This can't happening, please, no not again." She rambled, now starting to shake.
     "What?" I was so confused. What was she talking about? Then it hit me.
    
     There was something she wasn't telling me.
    
     First it was the nightmare a few months ago. She was begging someone to stop doing something. Then today she was hesitant on telling me about her past. I let it pass. Now she was scared to death of something. She said that it can't happen again? What happened?

     For a while, we just sat there in silence. I don't know how long it was, but it felt like an eternity.
     After God knows how long, Stacie broke the silence.
     "You can't tell anyone." She said in a whisper. I barely heard her. "Promise me you won't tell anyone."
     "Tell anyone what? Stacie, you're worrying me." She took a deep breath, and slipped her hand into mine.
     "Did you know I was adopted?" She asked.
     "N-No." I said, taken back.
     "My biological mother was a bartender. She caught the eye of this man, and they hooked up. A month later, my mother found out she was pregnant. My father took her in, and I was born 9 months later."
     I stayed silent, letting her finish.
     "7 years later, my father left. He wasn't a good man anyway. He would hit my mother, come home late, drunk. He said that we weren't enough for him, that no one would love people as worthless as us."
     Stacie took a deep breath before continuing.
     "When I was 11, my mother died of a drug overdose." Her voice wavered, and I put a hand over my mouth.
     "Stacie—"
     "I don't need your pity." She said.
     There was no sharpness in her voice, no anger or even hurt. She just sounded tired, as if she had told this story many times and everyone had the same pitiful reaction. I would've gotten tired of it.
     "I was put in the foster care system. I had one friend. His name was Jason, and he was like my older brother. He was always there for me when I needed him."
     I heard her choke on a sob.
     "He raped me when I was 14." I gasped.
     "Oh god, Stacie." I said, wrapping my arms around her as she silently cried. "You don't have to continue."
     She wiped her eyes and took a couple of deep breaths.
     "No, I'm fine. You deserve to know." She said. "He was helping me with a project at his house and he just kissed me. I told him that I only saw him as a brother, but he didn't listen. He pushed me into a small closet, and forced me to have sex with him."

     "After that he told me that no one would love me like he did. He knew about my father, so he used it against me. He said that I was unlovable, and that's why my father left. That's why my mother didn't care about me enough to keep living. And I believed him. Him raping me didn't scar me as much as his words did."
     "Stacie, you can't possibly believe him." I said. She didn't respond for a bit.
 
     "That's why I'm afraid of small spaces. It reminds me of what he did. That's why I have nightmares almost every night. It's why I have a lot of sex. It makes me feel like someone wants me. It makes me feel like I can be loved, even if it's just for a night."
     In that moment, I was going to say it. I needed her to know.
     "Stacie, I lo-" The lights flickered on, and the elevator door opened. We both stood up quickly, and rushed out the doors.
     When we got in my dorm room, Stacie sat down on my bed, and didn't say anything.
     "Do you need anything?" I asked. She gave me a weak smile.
     "Can you just, hold me?"
     "Of course." I said, climbing into the bed beside her, and pulling the blanket over us. I embraced her, and she rested her head on my shoulder.
     Stacie drifted asleep instantly. I stroked her hair, and kissed her forehead.
     "I don't think I could say these things if you were awake." I whispered.
     "But you do something to me. Something I don't understand. You completely flipped my life upside down from the moment you walked across that stage during auditions. And I don't have enough courage to admit this when you're awake, but..."
     "I...I love you."

A/N: I found out that I had like 4 hours of waiting time at the airport so I had time to publish this chapter. Now I can actually say that I won't be updating as often as I usually do, but thanks for reading! ❤️

P.S. - Is it lame that I'm reading my own story because it's the only thing I can read without internet connection?

P.P.S - Is it even more lame that I get excited in some parts of my own freaking story and I forget that I'm the one who wrote this?