It's been five years since John F. Kennedy Jr., his
wife and sister-in law died. I never met him,
although like any young woman, I dreamed of meeting
him. Ever since I saw him at the 1988 Democratic
Convention, I thought we were destined to be together.
I imagined it: Doubleday accepted my book; Jackie O.
was the editor (of course) Jackie LOVES my book. She
took it with her to Martha's Vineyard. She laughed,
she cried, she read parts of it to her lover, Maurice
Templesman. She knows I would be the perfect daughter
in law for her son. The age difference was so
piffle-after all, JFK was twelve years older than
Jackie. We would be fabulously happy together, John
Jr. and I.
We would have an apartment overlooking Central Park. I
would never have to worry about money, or being in a
Resource Math class, or that I had learning
disabilities. Everything would be fixed, being
Jennifer Gibbons-Kennedy.
I knew it a fantasy. It was a lovely fantasy, along
with writing novels, meeting the Brat Pack, and having
clear skin. It kept me going, those dreams of: I'll
make it, ust you wait.
I had to take state competency tests that same year.
I was scared because of the math test. I was told if I
didn't pass the math test, I would never graduate high
school. I knew that I didn't want to stay at high
school forever. I reviewed with my math teacher, Ms.
Burt. I took the test that fall.
Two months later I was summoned to my counselor's
office. Good news: I passed the written and the
reading parts of the test! Bad news- I failed the math
competency part.
Ms. Burt took it in stride. "We'll try again in
April."
I took the test again in the cafeteria, along with the
other people who failed the test or were absent on the
day it was given. Two weeks later, I got the test
back: I failed again, narrowly.
Ms. Burt reassured me. "You'll get it. Don't worry,
Jennifer. There's another test you can take." I knew
about that test; it was much easier, the numbers
spread out, and I could take it in a quiet room. I
wanted to prove myself. I did the test again. I failed
by five points.
Ms. Burt and I worked for a week studying. I was
getting scared. I felt awful.
