Bad girl / Misunderstood

Chapter 21

I can't look at his face but I feel as his whole body stiffens. He doesn't move or tell a single word. After a while I finally get the courage to look up at his beautiful face without  any expression, different from a moment ago, when the emotions were booking in him, but still beautiful. His eyes say nothing.

„I killed the man that I loved with all of my heart. We..." My voice cracks even though it isn't that bad anymore. I guess, I got used to it. But I have never told anyone. „He was one of a few that really knew and understood me. We had things planned out. And we, we were happy. You know, I was different." I smile on all af these flashbacks in front of my eyes. „And he died. He overdosed and I only found his body." I tell him everything, all of these years, looking nowhere as I feel tears on my cheeks. „And you...you are... with you I feel happy again. And now you tell me that you love and I... I don't know what to do." I whisper the last words. 

There is silence between us, endless silence of all the things that have never been said.   Till he steps close to me and kiss me. It's a desperate kiss full of raw emotions that mirror mine. He steps back then and lays his forehead on mine.

„Emily, please, listen to me. You deserve to be happy although you may think differently. You are an amazing human being, one that I have never met before. You know things, you see things that no one else does. I fell for you the moment I saw you. And when you opened your mouth." He smiles a bit. I can feel his breath on my face. „I want you to be mine, and I will never let you go."

I look into his dark eyes. I know that I can't hold on this promise, because everything, every person is temporary and I can't get attached. But I wanted to be selfish for a while and don't think. Just don't think about anything. So I did the one thing that I know I'll once regret. I kissed him.

It's slow at first, like something new, like our first kiss but different. I tangle my fingers in his hair and he pulls me closer to him. I forget about the world around us. He is like a drug to me that I need and that makes me feel so good. I feel him smiling against my lips.

„What's funny?"

„I knew you would be mine." I frown at him and hit his shoulder.

„And you couldn't wait for this moment." He kissed me again and then holds me up and carries me all the way up to my room. Instead of putting me to lay down, he sits first and puts me on his lap.

„Em, I won't be able to let you go anymore. You are mine."

You know, I  don't belive in love. But he is here and my whole body is trying to tell me something different. It's the hope that all people are constantly looking for and when they touch even the smallest bit of it, they surrender. After that everything goes to shit. Because hope is a dangerous thing and I don't want to get hurt. He is giving me hope but all I see when I look at him is that he doesn't realize that one day, it might be tomorrow, or in a year, or even in ten years, we will end up broken. But I'm willing to put this thoughts to the darkness of my mind and forget it.

For now.

„Only yours." I say between the kisses. Step by step I undress him. He traces his hand under my dress and goes upper and upper.

In this moment I got an anxiety as I feel Tony's hands on me. The whole day like crashes down on me, eyes fill with tears and I start shaking. I think about all of the things that could have happened if Matt hadn't showed up. In time. I breath deeply and I can't stop my lips from shaking.

„Hey, what's going on?" He says in a soft voice as his fingers move across my lips trying to calm me down.

„Thank you."

„What are you talking about baby?" He searches in my face.

„For today. For Tony, that you came." I feel a pain in the back of my head and touch a big bump that leaves me surprised that I start to feel it all just now. I had to be full of adrenaline that numbed my feelings and I didn't think of anything else. Any pain or anxiety. He slowly puts his hand on the same place and swears quietly. The tears still drop down my face and I can't calm down.

„Of course that I came. When I couldn't find you and knew that you were with that asshole I started looking for you. I knew something was wrong. And when I saw you there, I wanted to kill him." He says and then lies me on the bed and left. When he comes back he has a pack with ice that he puts on my bump and I hiss. I haven't stopped crying, not that I would've tried. Matt's just sitting there wiping my tears off. After a while he puts the pack away, takes off his clothes except for the boxers and turns to me with a worried expression.

„I'm going to take your dress off, ok?" With a foggy sight I nod and he does so. Then he lays next to me and pulls me into his arms. I lay my head on his chest and put the legs between his. I feel his heat and that feels safe. Like nothing else matters . He kisses my forehead.

„I feel sorry about what happened to you today. But I promise you that it won't happen again, ever. I will protect you from everyone that gets to you." I don't know to what death end we are hurtling, but I have never felt this alive.

„I love you." He whispers to my ear.

„I love you." I say to the darkness. The words I've thought I'd never say again.

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