General L/n (Thomas Jefferson x reader)

The Letter

Screwing the idea of reading out loud I clench the letter and drag my eyes across every loop stretching out from every single letter - he either has spend hours on such fancy handwriting or is a natural which is an option I'm not willing to accept

(the letter is going to be in italics and there's some french I found online so it's likely that it's wrong one way or another so please do correct me !) 

Getting past the first two words without having another panic attack I continue :

     Ma moitié ...    

     Mon ange ...   

    Mon chaton ...    

    Ma chèrie ...   

    Mon coeur ...   

   Ma passion ...   

   Mon avenir ...    

I can't quite tell if there's one too many endearing terms I lay awake listing and dream of having the honor of calling you with , or if there simply isn't enough . Woefully , I haven't had the chance of meeting such perfection as yourself ... astonishment hits me with every sentence that comes to mind due to my change of heart . I'm well aware of how my reputation proceeds me and it's no lie . Ladies don't fall for me , I am the individual responsible for tripping them right into my arms ... I would stand proud , twirl them and let go , however I have become a man reaching out for something unreachable and tripping over my own self . Though I must say , as much as my reputation proceeds me so does yours , mon rêve . I trip and fall over and over through day and night , in my dreams and in my morning haze , I keep tripping over the same pebble . That peddle is my thoughts of you - sitting behind my eyes and hiding in my subconscious . I don't wish to offend other women yet compared to you they seem as nothing more than empty wine glasses . In the game of chess I am the King but you , darling , you are the player , the one and only that has control over my whole world and my every move . I find myself dancing with my temporary queen however my fantasies wonder off to you . My crown is chipped and it seems only you , mon ange , hold the missing piece in the palm of your hand . Your heart beats for your pawns , knights , bishops , rooks , queen and me - your obedient servant . On the contrary , my ceramic heart longs for a simple glance from you in my direction and I'll wait until I'm the only figure standing in your troop and I'll be the only one left you can play with , but trust me , I'm the only piece you need to win . As a price I can give you my heart but ...you've had it since the beginning , and this is the purpose of this letter . I'm giving you my heart before the game , I can only follow your lead for the n number of games it takes you to decide if you are willing to hand me the missing piece of my crown .

Your loyal king ,

T . J .

...

...

AAGGHHH! My shaking hands are wrinkling the sides of the letter but there's no way I can hear it over the loud pumping of my heart or my panicking thoughts . OH , LORD ! What do I do ? What do I do ? What do I do ? What do I do ... Calm down ... that's what I should do ... WHY AM I PANICKING OVER THIS . Breath in , close your eyes ... and open them ... c'mon ... maybe closed eyes are better ... My legs are weak , fantastic ! No , no , no , no , no , no , no , NO ! But why would he ! Oh , lord , his expectations of me are too high ! Why ? Why ? Why ? Oh , why am I panicking over this ! ... heh ... exactly ... he isn't in love with me or something . The sad part is that I'm well aware of denying ... Sigh ... there is no reasonable explanation for Thomas to --- actually ... he might be infatuated with General L/n ... not even her , he's in love with the stories of her , the image of her he has created . General L/n is just a vessel for his lonely fantasies . I don't know . I get panicked by the thought of somebody being romantically interested in me yet I'm left somewhat disappointed knowing he isn't . Besides ! He's a fuckboy !

Definitely not the best of chapters but I can't just do nothing till motivation hits me ! Sure , it's useful but I don't just want to leave this story without an update for too long