He was sitting on one of the yellow benches that were placed randomly on the schoolyard. Next to him were Pj and Chris, as usual, friends that he had made throughout the last couple of weeks.
They were listening to the bullshit that was going around about girls being sluts because of guys being players. About teachers being assholes because of students being immature.
It was an usual thurday that had just begun and Phil was already tired of hearing all those rumors. The sky was so blue and the sun was shining bright, he couldn't understand how it was possible that words could ruin that calming atmosphere so easily.
Everything felt so tense, like there was always someone listening to what you did and what you didn't and maybe there actually was. His eyes wandered over to Pj, who was sitting there with closed eyes and a soft smile on his lips. Would he ever betray his friends? Would he talk shit about them behind their back?
"Why are we still sitting here, listening to that bullshit?",Phil asked, like he did at least twice a week.
"Because were not a part of it",Pj said, opening his eyes and folding his hands in his lap.
"And that makes it any better?"
"No and yes. I mean we're not spreading it around or something, we're just making sure that we're not the ones they're talking about."
Phil knew that that wasn't the truth. Pj didn't care about what others thought of him, he proved that many times. He proved it when Phil saw him punching a random student in the hallway because he felt like doing it. Pj had proven it when he left the lessons whenever he wanted. The whole world knew that Pj Liguori didn't care about the opinions others had of him and they avoided them for some reason Phil still didn't know.
Phil chuckled to himself about his thoughts. For a stranger that description could've been interpreted wrong. Pj and Chris weren't bullies. They weren't school skipping "bad boys". They actually were the opposite, they were playstation playing nerds with a bunch of bad jokes.
Phil transferred to their school three months ago and those two just came up to him a week later debating whether or not that sticker on Phils backpack was from a game. They got along pretty well, rambling about useless nerd stuff unless a certain thing came up. A thing they actually never talked about. A thing that made them share a glare. A thing Phil wasn't a part of.
"Let's go Pj",Chris said, bumping him with his elbow into Pjs side. "Wait."
The curly haired one stared at a blond girl rushing over to another girl, excitement in her eyes.
"You won't believe who's back",she said just meters away from their bench. Within a second Pj stood next to them, making Chris stand up as well, leaving Phil once again in confusion.
"Who?",he asked, his chest rising up and down a little too fast. "Elias Acker, why do you care Pj?",the blond said. "Don't mind him",Chris said, tugging the slightly taller boy back to the bench.
"What was that about?",Phil asked, pushing a loose strain of his raven black hair upwards.
"I thought it was about-",he stopped himself, sharing a disappointed glare with Chris. "About who, why aren't you guys telling me?"
Phil was upset. He wasn't the kind of person that easily got in rage, but this one built up over the past weeks.
He didn't feel like a part of the group, he felt left out on a majorly important thing and he truly was. He didn't know about who they were talking about. Who they still hadn't visited or texted and Phil begged them once again to tell him about.
"No one Phil",Chris said, grabbing his black backpack and throwing it over his shoulder. "You're always talking about this specific person without ever calling them by a name. Do you guys really think I wouldn't know the real reason why we're always listening to the current rumors?" Phil stood up from the yellow bench, feeling anger and frustration built up inside his chest.
He didn't want to be left out. He didn't want to be a friend that couldn't be trusted, because people could trust him. Phil was a good friend, keeping secrets like they were his own and Pj and Chris knew that. But they weren't ready to say that name out loud and Phil could tell.
So he didn't wait for an answer and just brushed past them, bumping Chris shoulder. Phil wasn't mad at them, he never could be. But whenever that thing came up, Phil just didn't feel like staying with them. It was their thing, their shared glare. He felt left out and he was.
While walking, Phil kicked a tinfoil ball around, not seeing what was in front of him. Just thinking about how he could ever bring Pj and Chris to talk, when he bumped into someone.
"Oh sorry",he quickly said, looking up. But the girl he had walked in didn't even notice him, standing with her back to him. It was when Phil eventually saw the small crowd of people whispering and staring. He tried to follow their gazes, which landed on a brown haired boy.
"Could you fuck off?",the tall, but slouching boy yelled slightly slurred. Phil felt immediate pity for the stranger, even though he couldn't really tell why everyone was staring at him.
Maybe that was Elias, the guy that blond girl had talked about. Maybe he was bullied, took a time off and was back now. Phil couldn't tell, he assumed way too much too quickly, once again. He could barely see the head of the brown haired boy.
But the name that occurred in the others whispers wasn't Elias, it was Dan or Daniel Howell. A name he had never heard in this school.
"Fuck",someone whispered nearby Phils ear. He met the light blue eyes of Pj, full of panic and desperation.
It was when Phil realized that they weren't listening to the people's rumors everyday, because they wanted to make sure they weren't about them.
They wanted to make sure they weren't about him.
