forever and always | bang chan

seventeen

I read Chan's eyes, it showed pain and fear.

"What's wrong?" I asked him.

"Nothing. I'll tell my friend what you told me and maybe he'll be brave to tell her." he said and I nodded.

We remained quiet while watching Spongebob, but I noticed that he isn't even focusing. He was just looking at me with those eyes I love the most.

"I love your eyes." I said.

He just smiled at me, and he remained staring at me.

"Is everything alright?" I asked him.

It's so unlikely of him to be like this.

He just shook his head and excused himself to grab some snacks.

While he was away, I suddenly had a heartburn.

I grabbed my chest, as my breath shortens every second.

"Ch-chan!" I screamed as I felt a sharp pain pass by my back to my chest.

"Abby— what's happening?!" he dropped the tray he was bringing and immediately attended to me.

"I-It hurts, Chan. It feels like I'm going to d-die." I barely answered that made him panic and I saw tears pool his eyes.

I just felt him carry me, and then everything went black.

"She's been asleep for four days now, doc! She should be awake by now!" I heard a familiar voice of a lady, but I'm not sure who it is since I can barely hear.

Everything's unclear.

I am awake but I don't feel like opening my eyes, yet.

"Please calm down, I know you're worried for your daughter but she's stable now." another voice said.

"She's stable but she isn't waking up!"

"Ma'am, you knew your daughter had a hole in her heart ever since she was young but you didn't do anything about it. It's anticipated that this will happen."

Wh-what?

I heard a loud cry, and I'm sure it was my mom.

"Please calm down, auntie."  the voice I love the most filled the room.

With that, I opened my eyes.

"Abby!" mom stood up and faced me, crying.

I also saw Chan looking at me, worry and guilt drawn all over his face.

All of a sudden, doctors and nurses gathered around me.

Once they were done, they went out my room and left me with Chan and mom.

Mom started to cry again, and went nearer to hug me.

"I heard everything, mom." I weakly said.

Fear was evident all over her face.

"M-mianhae, Abby. Mom is sorry!" she sobbed, getting on her knees.

I still couldn't move properly, so I just stared at the ceiling.

It was so hard but I still tried to speak. "Mom, I've been suffering for years!"

They both became silent, and I knew it was time for me to say everything I want to.

"I've been suffering all my life! I kept on asking you what's wrong with me, but you always answered that I'm fine and it'll be alright!" I said that turned out to be loud enough to be a yell, so Chan tried to calm me down by holding my shoulder.

I moved my shoulder away from his touch. "You knew about this?!"

"I'm sorry." he answered that made my heart break more if that's even possible.

"Go away."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." he kept on pleading and I hear my mom's cry on the background.

"You know how much I suffered! Of all people I thought you understand me the most! I thought you know how much I tried to know about what's happening to me!"

"Please, please. I'm so sorry."

"I spent my whole life clueless but the both of you knew all along!"

"This is it. I don't want to hurt anymore. Please, the both of you get out."

My mom glanced at me before she got out. But Chan...

Chan's still here, on his knees crying.

I can see him from the side of my bed.

I want to tell him that it's okay.

I want to run to him and wipe his tears.

But maybe, it just hurt me too much that I can't even seem to look at him.

"Get up and leave, Chan."

He did get up, wiping his tears.

He looked at me with the eyes I loved the most, and turned his back to leave.

I love his eyes the most, but today those eyes broke my heart in to million pieces.

But that's how love works, right?

The ones you love the most will be the reason why you're hurting.