Desire | OneShot

Once again he entered the church. People were looking at him once again. But the young man didn't care. He is coming to church to pray, not for gossiping. So he sat down on his usual seat with a quiet sigh and he folded his hands and began to pray.

People were speculating about what he is praying for. Wealth? Power? Nobody knew. And nobody knew his name either, he was simply known as the "church boy". He already was a grown man of 17 years, normal for an adult in this era. He had pale blonde curls, little freckles, blue colored eyes and his skin was pale as well. And his name was Raivis. Raivis Galante. What he is praying for? Freedom. His parents arranged a marriage with a wealthier and older woman who just fell in love with him almost 2 years ago now and so they were married. At first it was okay, the woman was actually nice to Raivis but this changed soon. She began hurting him and forcing him to do things he doesn't want to. Experiences he does not wish to ever talk about.

But then he met her. A beautiful young woman, already a widow. She is going to church everyday as well, but she is praying for her dead husband. A way less selfish cause than what Raivis is praying for. But a while ago they bumped into each other by accident and have spoken to each other quite a lot since then. Her name is Erika. Erika Edelstein. She still uses the last name of her deceased husband, showing how much she still loves him. He was a lucky man, having a woman like Erika loving him and not such a monster like Raivis' wife.

But Raivis couldn't help to fall for Erika. She was different. Special. A beautiful and delicate flower in between dirty weeds. He wants to make her smile and feel special again, he wants to show her how beautiful life can be. But his life is already bounded to this monster until the day of her or his death.She was nothing like Erika. Not as beautiful. Not as nice and polite. Not as delicate and innocent. Not as loveable. Oh, how much Raivis would give if he only could have Erika as his wife, his woman, his poverty. His woman to hold. But not only did he feel this, he felt a strong desire for her as well.

He did not know why and didn't quite understand it. His thoughts are going crazy and he can't help but to think about how loving nights could be with her. And oh, how much he would give to actually experience such a night. But he never could force her to do such a thing and these feelings, this desire, they are only one-sided. Erika still loves her deceased husband, not Raivis. And knowing this hurts. He found her, the woman of his dreams. The love of his life. But she already gave her heart to another man and never could let go. She is faithful, even if her husband is dead. Which is yet another reason to love her.

Raivis blushed a bit at that. How could he think so dirty of the innocent widow? This wasn't right. He is married, he isn't supposed to have feelings for another woman. But he still fell in love with another woman and everytime he has to leave the church to go home again it hurts. Parting ways with her is such a painful sorrow. But she doesn't even know his name, Raivis rather keeps it a secret. He couldn't need his monster of a wife to find out about him going to church every single morning, while she is still asleep. It's a secret. Secret. What about his life and actual feelings was not a secret? He is going to church in secret, has feelings and a dirty desire for another woman in secret. But what could he do? He could accept his fate and stay locked in with a woman he despises and who hurts him. But why should he accept it if he can instead pray to God for a better future? God is always listening, maybe he will answer his prayers someday.

Soon the mess was over and everybody left. Including her. Including Erika. And Raivis took a deep breath and stood up, following Erika. He decided against going home and to follow her instead. She was going to the graveyard, probably to visit her husband. And the blonde followed her to this place, but instead of sitting down in front of her husband's grave like she did the other day, Erika turned around to face Raivis. And her beautiful and innocent blue orbs glanced right into his own pair.

"Excuse me? Is everything okay? Can I do something for you?", she asked with her angelic voice and Raivis smiled softly and closed his eyes.

Oh yes, you could do so much for me in fact. You could hold me whenever I need it, you could cook for me and you could please me like a woman pleases her husband. You could let me make you happy, you could start to feel the same for me. You could vowe your love and loyalty to me in front of God, you could bare my children and you could stay with me in good as well as in bad times. You could be my wife, my woman.

All of these were thoughts. His honest words and real feelings, but Raivis couldn't let them leave his mouth. Erika would hate him forever, and he would be all alone again. He couldn't. He isn't strong enough for this. It's painful, this desire is so painful but of course he has to feel this. He gave her a painful smirk and actually began to blush lightly.

"Oh, actually not. I just wanted to make sure that you are okay, Mrs. Edelstein. I didn't want the incident from a few days ago to happen again, so I followed you. But I should go my own way now, I hope that you will enjoy the rest of your day", Raivis said and then turned his back to her and left the graveyard. It's painful, so painful. But maybe his life just always will be like this. A painful experience.