REVIEWERS ON HIATUS
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[highest ranking: #2 in reviewer, #10 in editor, and #3 in critics]
Hello, this is cremsicle and I'll be giving you a mix of a review and critique, as you requested. Please note that nothing I write is meant to hurt feelings. I just want to help. I hope you find my feedback helpful :D
Also, I'm preparing myself mentally for the 21+ part...Getting my holy water ready...
Title: Our Melody
I don't usually care much about titles, yours fits perfectly fine with your genre, but however, I searched up "Our Melody" and found at least 10 other stories with the same title. You could try to be original, sometimes, it's the title that draws the readers to the story
Cover: 9/10
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Your cover is simple yet crisp, elegant and eye-catching. Good job on finding a graphic maker, they did a good job. However, I do think that without knowing the title of this story, viewing this graphic may be confusing, as part of the "o" is hidden. Not a huge issue though. Also, on a side note, don't you think the "l" is positioned in a funny spot?
Your description got me sort of confused. What did you mean by "melody"? Also, I was confused about the whole "opposite day" thing. Usually, opposite day is when two people say or do the opposite of what they normally do...However, I haven't read the story at this point, so I may be wrong. Also, there are a few small mistakes in your description. It should be:
I don't really have much to say about grammar, punctuation or wording so instead, I'm going to talk about the character development. Jihee seems to be a sort of shy, enthusiastic, extra sort of girl but the way she's obsessed over Taehyung is quite annoying to me and makes me want to stop reading. Having relatable characters is important, if your readers find them all annoying and frustrating, they will stop reading.
In chapter one, you used past-tense. "She sauntered to the kitchen", "He dropped his bag". However, in chapter three, you started using present tense. "Jihee turns to her side" and "He comes out of the closet" are just a few examples. Make sure you stick to either past tense or present tense, otherwise the story doesn't make much sense.
I also don't write or read smut normally, so I can't really judge that part if you're wondering. But I hoped the rest of the feedback helped.
Would I continue reading this? Well no, since I've finished the one-shot. But if there was more, I wouldn't keep on reading. I'm not a fan of smut books and I don't normally read the book if characters are annoying. However, I'm guessing that when horny writers write smut, they don't normally bother to use proper grammar and stuff, so if you like BTS and you enjoy detailed smut, I would def recommend this book to other readers.
