stelliferious | reviews and critique

Les Bian Real - joon-is-my-wifeu

joon-is-my-wifeu

Hi, I'm RelataebleARMY and I'll be reviewing your book "Les Bian Real". I hope you like it!

Title: Les Bian Real

This title is a good play on words. I think it attracts readers attention and it definitely tells you a little bit about the story. It suggests that the book is going to be a realistic representation of life as a lesbian.

Cover:

Your cover is very interesting. I really like the colours you used and the person on the front seems to be thinking about something, which fits with the title. The dark background helps the person and the words pop out more. Even the neon reflection in the girl's glasses adds to the aesthetic. I really like your cover. One thing I would say, is make sure that you can see the full letters at the beginning of the words. If I didn't see the title, I would think I was missing part of the words on the cover because of the girl's head. Overall, your cover is really good, though.

Description:

"Les bian real. Although coming out seems easy. it's not. Maybe in your head but in irl. ask Cezanne that. She kNows it better than anyone else. From religion to homophobic parents, will she get what she wants and be with her true love?"

Okay, so your description is nice and concise, which is good because people may get overwhelmed by lots of text. It also gives promise of a good story line and some drama, with her coming out and homophobic parents. This description however, has a lot of mistakes. If you have mistakes in your description, this generally leads people to think that there will be a lot of mistakes in your story. Most people won't click on stories that have guaranteed mistakes because they can be painful to read. Make sure to proof read your description before publishing your story, because this is a big first impression. You often put periods where there should be commas.

"Although coming out seems easy. it's not." This should be: "Although coming out seems easy, it's not."

"Maybe in your head but in irl. ask Cezanne that." This should be: "Maybe in your head, but in real life, ask Cezanne that."

Try to avoid using texting abbreviations in your description. It makes it seem unprofessional. Watch your capitalization. And lastly, make sure your description flows well. Read it out loud to make sure it makes sense. Once these small mistakes are fixed though, your description will be a lot better and will make a good first impression.

Story:

"Love. It can be tarnished by you. Because of who you are."

Your first part is a good hook and makes people want to read more. I really like that this statement was included because this is a thought process that a lot of people have had to go through. I think that the LGBTQ+ community reading this will be able to relate to your book right off the bat.

So far, your grammar is okay. There are a few little things, but nothing too bad. It seems like you edit your work. So, again I want to say be careful about using text abbreviations in the actual story. Though, maybe that's just the way the main character thinks?

Your story seems to have a good plot line and there's promise of events. It doesn't seem like it will be boring because there is always something going on. One thing I would say is that you your first chapter escalated a bit... quickly. I wasn't really ready for smut in the first chapter. However the plot twist at the end of the chapter was certainly unexpected and added nice drama. I picked up on the little hints throughout the chapter, particularly the brown hair part, and was confused at first but liked the way that it wasn't made clear until the end.

Would I continue reading this?
I think I would. Even if the first chapter was... mature, I'm curious to see what will happen and it grabbed my attention. I hope that you will continue to write from a realistic point of view and not sugarcoat the LGBTQ+ relationships, as some books tend to. So far, I think you are on the right track.

I hope you found this review helpful and I'm sorry it took a while. Bye!