IDGAF.

19.

Harmony.

I woke up and checked the time thinking it was time for school. When I looked at my clock it said 2 in the morning.

I rolled ny eyes and got up to get some cereal since I was fully awake and couldn't go back to sleep.

I took a long puff exhaling slowly and removing it from my lips handing it back to my dad. We were the only ones awake at this time of the night because I couldn't sleep and he just happened to be up smoking.

"This is so relaxing." I mumbled looking up into the dark sky.

"Hell yeah." He said blowing the smoke from his mouth.

I felt at peace which I haven't felt in a while as I let the high take over my body. I was getting tired which I wanted because I could get some sleep even just for a second and wake up feeling like I was given the whole night to enjoy my sleep.

"You better not tell your mother."

"Dad you already know im not going to say anything."

"Good. So what's going on anyways why you up?"

"I..I just couldn't sleep. It's a lot of things on my mind and I just have a hard time falling asleep." I admitted.

"You can talk to me babygirl you know that. I'm not the one to judge..ever. I love you." He said making eye contact with me.

I looked at him wanting to laugh because I know how serious he was but his eyes were so low. I started to laugh uncontrollably, and he shook his head at me smiling.

"Yo whats funny? Im serious."

"I know. I know dad. I love you too.. I can't believe you actually let me smoke with you. Most parents tell their kids to stay away from drugs."

"Its not like it's gon kill you cause I would've been dead. If it helps you calm down I don't care..people need stuff like this in their lives." He held the blunt to his lips smoking it.

"Thanks."

"You know I got you..I don't want you using it a lot cause then you gon become a weed head like me I stopped when I played but after I just went right back to it. You don't want to get like that it's a bad habit. Your mom hates it..The doctors should've gave you something when they diagnosed you with PTSD."

"I know. I only did it three time before and when I'm fine I don't like it. Honestly I dont like it at all I just like the feeling it gives me." I yawned.

"You sleepy?"

"Yeah kind of."

I scooted my chair next to his and laud my head on his chest like I was a little girl again. He put his arm around me as I sat there with no worries as I felt like I was on clouds. My dad smelled like weed and perfume as he held me and I loved it. I wanted to stay like this, and I wanted to be his little girl again.

"It's not a day that goes by that I don't regret staying with you guys that day in New York..I don't know what I was thinking leaving y'all out there alone. I'll regret that shit until the day I die. If y'all was with me all that other shit wouldn't have went down I swear..I didn't protect you that day and I'm sorry."

"You've apologized a million times..It's not your fault how was you supposed to know something like that was going to happen? All that matters now is that I'm safe, and you handled all of the guys that did those things to me and thats all that matters."

"Babygirl you still fucked up behind that shit though. If I could rewind time I swear I would..Man just thinking about it makes me want to kill them all over again."