White Rabbit

Chapter 52: Metamorphosis

"No way," Katsuro's eyes widen in surprise.

"That would make sense..." Juniper trails off in a hushed voice.

"Do you have any idea when he'll wake up?" I ask.

"My best guess is around eighteen more hours," Juniper frowns slightly.

"I'll stay here and watch over him," I say and Juniper and Katsuro glance at each other, "you two can go. We have lots of important things to do, and I can handle watching over Jace. Can you inform Reece and the others of what happened?"

"Of course," Juniper nods before grabbing Katsuro's hand, "come on, let's go."

Katsuro nods with a slight smile before the two run off together out of the room.

"Please be okay..." I whisper as I lie down at his bedside and rest my head on his chest, draping one of my arms across his chest in the process.

***

I love being alone, but I hate being lonely. I've abided by that for most of my life. I never expected to actually find someone who would stick by me, for you see, I've been placed on a pedestal for most of my life. People never thought they were good enough for me, or that I didn't want to be close to anyone, but they were wrong. What I really wanted was someone to be close to despite my cynical nature. My instincts were telling me to find someone who understood me and stuck by me and loved me, that's all I ever really wanted. The reason I'm cynical towards people is because they always left me, they made empty promises, said they were different than the rest, and despite my judgement, I believed them. And unfortunately, it seemed that when I did find someone who would stick by me and understand me and love me, they were torn away in circumstances I couldn't do anything about, despite doing all that I could. However, Kaden was like a lifeline for me, he helped me, fixed me, but when he was torn away too, I didn't know what to do. I needed a lifeline, and that lifeline just so happened to be Jace. And when I thought that Jace was taken away from me too, I felt lost inside. What was I supposed to do? I thought I lost my lifeline. The one person who understood me. The one person who knew how I felt and when they didn't, they always tried. The one person who always protected me but knew I could handle myself as well. The person who knew what I wanted even if my words said the opposite. The person I could talk to for hours and never get bored because their smile lights up the room and their presence makes me happy, makes me feel. The person who loves me and accepts me and tells me that I work too hard but that I should always do my best because they know deep down I love working hard but that sometimes it kills me and that all I want is for someone to tell me that I'm good enough, that I did all I could, that I'm worth it, and Jace did that without me having to tell him how I felt. He just knew. The one person I would risk everything for. The person I would give my life to protect. What was I supposed to feel when I thought I lost him? When I didn't know what was happening to him? I felt like I was drowning, but it wasn't the same type of drowning I felt before when I lost Kaden. No, that was different. I loved Kaden, but Jace, Jace felt like the one person who was perfectly compatible with me. We fit like puzzle pieces, we both had some of the same edges, same scars, same likes, same dislikes, same fears, same traits, but we also had different ones, but that made it even more special because even our differences were compatible, are compatible. Jace felt like the thing I was trying to reach for my entire life that was always just out of my grasp, and when I thought I had it before, it was ripped from me. But Jace, Jace was always there. I was grateful to have him. And when I thought I lost him, I didn't know what to do. I felt like nobody else understood, like I was telling them how I felt but that they weren't comprehending. And that hurt even more because I wanted to turn to Jace because Jace always understood, always comprehended, he was my lifeline in the sea of my doubts, theories, worries, and thoughts, is my lifeline, but realization hit me that I couldn't because he was the object of my worries as he was lying there in front of me on the ground. The realization also hit me that fighting with him and having to confront him would've been better than him dying because at least I would've known he was okay, at least I would've known I could fix things. The feeling of hopelessness I had inside was horrible and it ate away at my sanity because I vowed to protect the ones I love, and to not be able to protect them or fix their problems killed me inside almost as much as the waiting did. Somehow in my heart I knew that he would be okay, that he had to come back, because he's just as stubborn as me. However, that didn't stop the doubts, the logical reasoning in my head that went both ways and kept going back and forth between thinking he's okay and thinking he's not.

I have never loved a human being as much as I love him. Although, I guess you can't really call him that any more. And as for love, well, love is like a fire, feelings can develop quickly and burn brightly, with bursts of passion along the way, but unless you keep feeding the flame moderately, it will die.

"How can somebody so perfect be capable of causing such beautiful miseries?" I whisper aloud.

"Clattonia?" Jace breathes out and my eyes widen as I sit up immediately to look at him.

"Jace," I gasp slightly and scan his expression, noticing that his eyes are back to their normal blue color, but his hair is still the deep black that it turned.

"What happened?" Jace asks tiredly, "is everyone okay?"

"The others are fine," I smile slightly, glad that he seems to be okay, "and we captured Azriel, Genna, and Cassidy before we brought them all back here with you. We're back in Shibuya, Jace."

"That's good," Jace sighs, "how is Aeryn?"

"We haven't heard anything new from Lucian or Valentina about her. Valentina went to visit her after Lucian called her and told her what happened, " I explain.

"And what exactly happened to me?" Jace asks, raising his eyebrows as his eyes search mine, "I feel like I got ran over by a truck."

"Jace, um," I shift around slightly, wondering how to tell him this, "Jace, you're a Supernatural. You've always been, evidently. You just awakened your Shift..."

"What?" Jace's eyes widen and he sits up fully, almost banging his forehead into mine in the process, "how is that even possible? My father--"

"It's not your father," I interrupt him and he furrows his eyebrows, "it was your mother. She was  a Supernatural. I think that's why Aether's father truly wanted your mom killed. At least, that's what we think."

Jace stays silent for a few moments as he sits there and stares at the duvet, contemplating, before his eyes flicker back up to meet mine again and he nods slightly.

"Okay..." Jace breathes out, "okay...I guess...that would make sense...hey, Clattonia?"

"Yeah?" I furrow my eyebrows at him.

"What exactly is my Shift?" Jace asks, "I mean, if you know what it is, that is."

"Shi Kensatsu," I say and Jace seems slightly surprised, "it means--"

"Death's Prosecution," Jace says, "yeah, I know what it means."

"You should rest," I say after a few moments, placing my hand on his chest and pushing him back down against the bed, "I planned for us to go visit Aeryn tomorrow and to gather everyone's things from Rai's apartment."

Jace seemingly complies, but he seems conflicted as his eyes search mine.

"Hey, Clattonia," Jace says after a while, raising his right hand to stroke the side of my face, "about what I said--"

"Don't worry about it," I shake my head, smiling slightly, "we can talk about it later, okay? Just get some rest for now. I mean it. I'm sure you have lots to think about anyway."

"Right..." Jace trails off, "okay. Yeah, alright. I'll see you later, then, Clattonia."

"See you..." I whisper as I climb off of the bed, unraveling myself from him and walking out of the room with the ghost of a smile on my lips.