Jungkook: The Friendly Ghost

15. FXXK IT

"What did you do then?" I ask, realizing that the words he said are literally my worst fear come true: I need to get rid of those words, I need to do it, I need to get rid of all the memories, as impossible as it might seem. I might have been blind for certain things but I am no idiot. I know it's impossible but I can't extinguish the hope that maybe, just maybe, I will wake up with a massive memory loss and forget all about the disaster that was the last few years of my life.

"I didn't do anything," he shakes his head, his voice kinder than it was before. "I told you it was different. It died out. We knew it died out. You were in denial. You can't deal with it the same way I did, not when the situations are not the same, not when we are not the same."

"What do I do then?" I ask.

I look like I'm begging. And in a way, I am. I need an answer and I don't have the strength and energy to find it myself. Not to mention that I'm scared of doing it.

Jungkook doesn't get to answer me because the door to my room is nearly broken into by a smiling Hoseok.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I gasp, more scared by him than by the ghost sitting on the bed next to me.

"Hyeri and I are going on a date!" he yells. "Finally, fucking finally JJ!"

"Yay?" I raise my fist; it's so emotionless but Hoseok doesn't see it. He's blinded by his own happiness.

"Finally!" he starts laughing. "What's wrong with you, why do you look like someone pissed in your coffee?" he frowns, noticing that I'm not in my element.

"Cramps," I lie and notice the look of understanding on his face; having been my roommate for years, he has had his fair share of late night runs for meds and tampons. "I'll be fine. Go, have fun, break a leg and fuck her brains out," I give him two thumbs up.

"Oh I will," he laughs, before running to me and planting a quick kiss on my head. "Hope you feel better, call me if you need anything!" he yells from the hallway before remembering to return and close the door behind him. I drop my fake smile the moment he's out of sight.

"Why didn't you tell him the truth?" Jungkook asks.

"Because he's Namjoon's friend too," I mumble, looking away from him. "And it's his happy day. No need to ruin it with my shitty one. Besides, I have an idea on how I'm going to deal with this tonight."

"Oh yeah?" Jungkook chuckles but it's easy to tell he is not finding this funny. "How?"

...

"AND I WANNA GET DOOOOOOOWN!"

Wasted isn't the right word. I'm super mega ultra-wasted and it's not enough.

"JJ, don't you think you had enough?" Jungkook asks in concern; he has been watching me act like a psycho for the last... I don't even know how long. He was mostly silent, watching my one woman Big Bang tribute.

"Not nearly enough," I laugh before chugging on the bottle of vodka again, feeling it burn me like fire itself. "Fuck, marry, kill, Big Bang edition? Who'd you bang?" I ask.

"JJ...."

"Ha. Bang Big Bang. Ha," I laugh, watching as he shakes his head. "I used to be all about TOP when I was younger but now I'd just go for any one of them. Like any one of them. I'd settle for a gangbang. Ha. Gangbang by Big Bang. Ha."

"JJ..."

Of course, of fucking course, the shuffle ends up being my demise. The sound of Haru Haru brings down my fake happiness in less than a second. I sit down, cradling the bottle like my life depended on it.

"What have I done wrong?" I mumble, looking down at the ground. "I don't get it. I don't see it. Where the fuck... Why? I'm a good person. I was always there for him. I even went down on him. Like... I was good, Jungkook. I was a good girlfriend. I didn't think I deserved this but I do."

"JJ..."

"Why though? Why me? Why like this?" I ask, finally feeling the one thing I have been avoiding for hours: tears. "Why would he do something like this?"

"Jihyun."

He never called me by my name.

I didn't think he even knew my name.

It's bizzare, how something so irrelevant, so stupid, so... unnoticeable can act as my breaking point. Hearing my name is the thing that breaks the damp and tears finally start leaving me, after having built up for hours. Hell, not even hours. Days, weeks, for god knows how long.

Jungkook knows, he can tell and in a matter of seconds, he's on the floor next to me, pulling me into his chest as my silent tears turn into sobs.

"It's okay," he shushes me, though I can barely hear him. "Cry it out, Jihyun. Cry it out."

And I do.