Warrior Oc Rater (Closed)

Flowerchive

SnowSpeckledCats

Name: Flowerchive
Cool name, never heard if this before, I like it
Lookes: calico tricolour medium thick furred she-cat with green sparkling eyes.
This is a cool looking cat, especially the tricoloured part and the calico part very nice
Rank: warrior
Okay most OC are warrior which is fine
Age: 24 moons
Young good
Clan: Lushclan
Yeah another one of a made up clans, I really like this
Personality: stern but decently warm with friends, kins, apprentices of hers
Yup, very thing make sense you might just want to add a few floors to your OC and more good points to even it out a little.
Kin:
Mother: Boldcricket (she doesn't remember her mother description as she was a kit when she left)
Aw I would love to know why she left
Father: Tallstar black and white patchy Tom with short but strong legs and tipped tail
Very nice OC but do you think I could know what Tallstar's warrior name is please.
Sister: Thickettree calico she-cat nearly identical to her sister, has a poffe pelt and forelegs.
Interesting name but I like it, I've never heard if it before
Mate: Mintstone Tom with hazel fur and deep chocolate tabby stripes, Mainly hazel eyes (formerly)
Oh I love the colour of his pelt it works in my opinion
Kits:
Screechkit/River feathery long furred pale grey/ off white Tom with dark tabby markings on his forehead
This is a great description I can picture Screechkit really well, and so can I with all of your OC'S
Webkit/Flower literally identical to Flowerchive, she-cat
Okay, so Webkit is very bit the same when it comes to the pelt
Creakkit/ Maple ginger and brown she-cat with some root like chocolate markings running up her legs
Okay, sounds and as I can picture her looks cool
Otterkit/Flame grey she-cat with a few calico patches
Cool. With all you OC'S name they are interesting, unique even, I like them.
Mentor: an unknown Tom in jointclan
Awesome another OC clan
Apprentice: none
That's fine still young, plenty of time to get a apprentice, well I hope
Backstory:
She was born to the leader she-cat Boldcricket, and the joint clan Tom Tallstar, then excelled with they  and her sister to a life as a rogue.
Okay to make this clear both parents are from different clans and they had kits, correct me if I'm wrong.
Mother left to become a kittypet, father founded clan, sister joined his clan, while Flowerchive lived in Jointclan.
This part is a bit confusing.
She left Jointclan, having her kits and leaving with her mate and four kits, before Mintstone convinced her they must join her fathers clan, and she left him.
Sad, what did she leave him for you don't make that very clear to me sorry
She never saw the kits again, until joining Lushclan when she re met her son and daughter under Wingstar and Skilstar, then became co and high leader eventually.
Okay so you backstory seems ok but needs a lot of work, one it's not quite understandable and I got confused a lot, second it sounds like it in a list, don't do that, don't be afraid to make it as long or as short as you like, third give more details, like I said before it just goes in a list type this and you don't give much information. Fourth and final, well for your backstory anyway, just take your time, please and make sure you grammar and staff like that is clear as that was one of the faults that made this difficult to read, I hope it's grammar I don't know, please correct me if I'm wrong.

Okay over all this is a good OC but a flaws. One like I said earlier the backstory, just follow the tips and it should turn out how you want it I hope, second I love your name there so unique and different, they don't make that much sense but I still like it lol. And fourth your OC clans it would have been nice to now a little more about them.
Okay so you overall score is a 5/10. That is my lowest so fare but that's good it mean you get more to work on . Just remember that this is my opinion. Hope I helped.