Strangers // NCT - Jung Jaehyun

Chapter 18

It's a Saturday night. It's been two days since Lucas left. And I haven't left my room since. I'm just crying uncontrollably. Everyone is calling or texting to see if I'm ok. I ignored every single one of them. But I guess they learnt about Lucas in school. The person that texts me the most is Jaehyun. He seems very worried. I actually feel bad for not answering him in particular.

But I seriously don't feel like talking to anybody. Nobody will understand me. They all gonna be like 'Oh just get over him, there are so many other guys out there'. But these guys aren't Lucas. I believe i won't be able to love somebody as much I loved Lucas.

I never thought I'd date Lucas in my life. When he asked me out I thought it was a joke. But I found out it wasn't. He loved me but I think I loved and love him more. Because if he really wanted to be with me, we would get through our long distance relationship. It'd be difficult indeed but worth trying.

If he had told me earlier, I wouldn't have been in this situation right now. Heartbroken. Depressed. I even thought about killing myself. What is the point of living anyway? If your life is a mess.

The past years i was at the limit of depression. No one knew about it except my family.

I was born here in Korea, but till my 12 years i lived in America. When I came back, I was an ordinary kid. In school everybody bullied me saying I was fat and ugly. And deep inside, I knew I was, so that made me hate myself more. They also made fun of me because I wasn't the best at speaking Korean. You see, I got taught speaking Korean in America, but I didn't use them that much.

That feeling i had these years, came back. But stronger. I don't deserve to be loved by anyone anymore. I'm useless. Who really cares about me? Right. Nobody.

The reason I don't commit suicide is because of the close friends i have. They would be sad for a period of time. But eventually forget about me. I would forget about myself too if I was in their place to be honest.

I don't think anyone will love me again. Lucas was my last hope.

My phone was going off. My heart dropped. It was... Lucas.

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Today 03:43

Lucas:
Hi Sunyoung

Lucas:
I hope you're doing great!!

Me:
Hiiiii

Me:
Yeahhh I'm very good!!! :)

Lucas:
I know you too well Sunyoung and I can tell that you are not oka|

Lucas:
Oh nice!

Lucas:
I just wanted to say

Lucas;
Cheer up

Lucas:
Talk to you soon bye!
Seen

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Cheer up huh? This is something Lucas says to me all the time. But it seems to be working most of the time. Should I listen to him again?

My phone buzzed again and without any thoughts i clicked on the notification. Fuck me.

Apparently, I clicked on Jaehyun's messages...