Insanely yours [ shoey au ]

3.0

Shane's POV:

The next 3 days of being under probation was hell. I had to be kept on watch 24/7, Kate checking on me practically every 5 minutes to ensure I wasn't doing anything to harm myself in any way but, there was nothing here I could use to hurt myself.

For the past 3 days, I've been trying so hard to have this perfect record that was expected of me for me to leave, it was so hard. The nurses are always asking me the same questions over and over again. It literally drove me up the wall I would have flipped but because I wanted to leave this place so badly, I had to keep my cool.

And Kaitlyn, we haven't been talking at all. At meals, I would always catch her watching me, and I'd smile at her but she would always just turn away.

Also her condition was worsening. She has been seeing things, more than usual. And her panic attacks were even worse than before, she would throw things at the nurses, it hurt me watching her act like that.

She was my best friend and seeing her in this state just broke me and it hurts me even more that I can't do anything to help her. She wouldn't even let me.

--

" Shane? "

I turned my head and saw Jake standing in the doorway. I forced a smile as he walked towards me, settling himself beside me. I turned back to stare at the blank wall, feeling myself shaking. My body was coated with a sheen of cold sweat, I was nervous as fuck.

" You okay? "

I burst into tears, " No, I'm not! What if my performance isn't good enough for me to leave? What if I have to stay here longer? What if I'm really crazy? What if- "

Jake cut me off, " Shane! Stop scaring yourself! Everything's gonna be okay, you're just getting yourself worried over nothing! " he shouted shaking my shoulders vigorously trying to shake me out of my thoughts.

Tears streamed down my face as I held onto the hand on my shoulder, squeezing it tightly.

" I'm so afraid.. "

He soothed my back telling me over and over again that everything would be alright.

" Shane, the doctors wants you in the office, now. " Kate stood at the doorway.

I swiped away a tear and looked at Jake. He gave a reassuring smile, I forced one and felt his hand squeezing mine. I could read his eyes, they were telling me to relax and calm down and that I would be okay. I heaved a sigh and followed Kate to the office.

I stood outside the door. This was the moment I've been waiting for. I felt my heart jump to my throat, I was so nervous, excited and scared at the same time. Sweat dripped from my temples and onto my sweatshirt. Kate knocked on the door and she opened it. My eyes wandered around the room, searching for Dr Emerlyn but she was nowhere to be seen.

I felt myself freak out, where the hell was she? My whole body froze, I just stood there staring at the table and the people sitting around it, none of them were Dr Emerlyn. Kate gently nudged my elbow and pushed me in. I took slow small steps to an empty seat.

I finally muttered a hi. The doctors had their arms folded, their faces were serious. I was literally gonna faint watching their straight serious faces.

Suddenly the door flung open, it was Dr Emerlyn. Thank fucking god, she rushed in and settled down on the empty seat beside me and winked at me. I smiled at her and heaved a sigh of relief.

" I wouldn't miss this for the world. " she whispered.

" Okay, now that everyone's here, we can finally take a look at the results of Shane's probation. "

The words were constantly ringing in my ears, I broke out in cold sweat as my body shook in fear. Dr Emerlyn could sense my fear and she put her hand over mine. I looked at her and she smiled. I couldn't force a smile, I was way too nervous. I just stared back at the doctor and keeping my eyes on his lips, waiting anxiously.

I watched as his lips separated, " Seems like your condition is stable. And you seem to be recovering, this is a good sign, "

" We think you're good to go. "

I was stunned. I froze. My heart was pounding, my thoughts were racing and finally I managed to choke out a thank you.

Then I stumbled back to my room while tears streamed down my face. I walked into the room to find Jake sitting on the bed. The minute he saw me, he grabbed my wrists.

He was as nervous about the results as I was before, " So? " he started.

I fell into his arms, my legs felt like jelly. I could barely stand. He caught me and led me to my bed. His grip around my wrists tightened.

" Shane! You're freaking me out! What happened? " he shouted.

I stared at him as tears continued flowing, then I laughed.

" Jake! I'm leaving! " I screamed and he pulled me into a hug.

" See? I told you everything would be alright and you were just scaring yourself. "

" Thank you so much, Jake. For everything. For believing in me, for being here. I'm so thankful. " I told him.

" Don't be all mushy with me, man. That's what friends are for, right? " he pulled away smiling.

" Now, " he started.

" You should probably start packing your stuffs. I can help you if you want. " he offered.

I smiled and thanked him. I just couldn't stop thanking him over and over again. He has helped me so much and I felt so fucking grateful having a friend like him.

He tapped on my shoulders, " Is this yours? " he asked pulling out a sketchbook from under my bed.

I gave a faint smile and nodded my head as he sat down beside me flipping through the pages and looking at my sketches with an impressed look on his face.

" Oh my god, I never knew you were such a talent. You're really good at drawing. "

" Thanks. " I replied, I didn't really feel it was anything to be glad about because all my drawings were all so dark and sad.

" You okay? " he asked, noticing me staring blankly.

" Yeah, just thinking, "

" about what I'm going to do once I'm out of here. I'm nervous. "

Jake pushed the sketchbook back into my hands, " Don't overthink Shane, don't. It only makes you anxious, it creates problems that aren't even there in the first place. And thinking too much about it just makes you feel all nervous. Relax and do what you love, draw. " he said, pulling out a pencil from inside the sketchbook.

I took the pencil and stared at him, then I moved the pencil in my hand and did a quick sketch.

' I believe in my recovery ' I wrote on the page with a sketch of a bandaged wrist.

" You're so strong.. " he told me.

" I wish I was as strong as you are. "

He swiped away a tear that was about to fall and looked away trying to avoid eye contact.

I held his hand tightly, " You're strong, and frankly speaking you're so much stronger than I am. You're my best friend and you're what keeps me alive. You're strong not only for yourself but also for me as well, I don't know what I would do without you, without your support. You've been there for me, and I'm always here for you too. We will recover. "

He started crying, I hugged him tightly.

" We will recover and one day, you'll leave this place too. " I whispered.

" We'll recover? " he asked me.

" Together. " I replied.

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hope u enjoyed this chapter🍃

ok bye

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