My Cigar

Confessions

"Hearin that you's been trustin me for all those years is the best feelin ever Kenny." He says as he slipped his hands in mine. His caring (and sexy af) smirk faded away.

"I'm sorry for lashing out on ya doll face." He apologizes getting serious. 

"It's ok. You have a reason. I shouldn't have left like that... I'm sorry for scaring you." I say putting a hand on his cheek.

"Hey you shouldn't be apologizing to me. You gotta talk to Jack." Race says with a worried face as he holds my hand on his cheek. 

"Shit I forgot about that." I mumble out loud making Race laugh.

"He should be at the lodging house. I gotta go catch a race." He winks letting go of my hands and walking away.

"Race?" I ask making him turn around.

"Yea?" 

"Can I have a kiss for good luck?" I say folding my hands in front of me and rocking back and forth on my heels. Race shakes his head as he laughed..

"You can't get enough can you?" Race says walking back to me.

"Nope." I smile. He pulls me in for a kiss and for the first time in a while, it felt like I had nothing to worry about. I completely forgot about how I was gonna get screamed at for leaving without asking, and I felt like I was the only girl Race ever loved. It was like a huge weight was lifted off my chest. But I knew once the kiss ended it was back to reality. I pull away this time knowing that he has to go. 

"Good luck doll face." He smiles. Oof i love when he calls me that. Now that dreaming time is over, it's time to get screamed at by my brother. I was scared af, but at least Race win't be there to witness this. I walk up the stairs to the lodging house and right when I open the door to the bunks, everyone looks at me.

"Kenny!" They all scream. I smile and look at Jack... who may I add looked like he was gonna kick. my. ass. He gets up from his bunk and storms over to me. He grabs my arm.

"You and me, roof. Now." He growls as he pulls me up to the roof. It wasn't like I was being abused or anything. But he was holding my arm so tight that it felt like under my sleeve it was turning purple. We get to the roof and I rip my arm out of his grip.

"What the HELL were you thinkin?" He says through his teeth. He was so tense you could see the veins popping out of his skin. Dude I already got this lecture.

"Look I know your mad and I know I should have told you but I knew you weren't gonna let me go so i figured there was no point." I say with my voice slowly fading out. This feels like deja vu. I already explained this to Race. But I don't think this one will be easy.

"Ken this is why I had a hard time lettin you go to Brooklyn; you expect me to trust you when you go out scarin me like this at the same time!" He yells. "I never know WHERE you are. God only knows you could be back at the damn orphanage or gettin in more trouble."

"But Jack it's not like I'm doin stupid shit when I'm away. You know I can take care a myself. I went to Brooklyn with you AND stood up to fricken PULITZER in his own FACE!" I defend myself. I've been tryin to tell him this ever since I became a newsie. Hangin out with a buncha boys all the time can benifit ya confidence when comparin ya self to other girls.

"Kenny, I HAVE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOU! I CAN'T JUST LET YOU WALTZ OUTTA TOWN WITHOUT ME EVEN KNOWING!" He yells. With every word slippin out of his mouth I got madder and madder. 

"JACK YOUR ACTIN LIKE I'M A 5 YEAR OLD! I KNOW HOW TO HANDLE MYSELF!" I scream.

"Says the girl who freaked out over a stupid ring." Jack says. My anger became sadness. That was our death moms fucking ring. A stupid ring? Does he really not care about mom?

"What?" I wince. Jacks face became embarrassed when he realized what he just said.

"No, Kenny I didn't mean it like that-"

"THEN WHAT DID YOU MEAN?" I yell as my vision becomes blurry from the water building in my eyes. Jack knew that when it comes to mom, I really am a 5 year old. I don't know why but when anyone, including me, disrespect my mom in anyway, I break down. I can't control it. Sometimes I think i'm over dramatic and stupid but, as good as I am holding back tears or hiding emotions, i can't do it when it comes to mom.

"Kenny I was angry all right?" Jack yells trying to get me to calm down.  I wiped away my tears and sniffled.

"Look... I understand that if i do anything wrong or make one mistake we can get separated again." I say sounding conjested. "But you know me Jack. I know how to stay out of trouble; i know how to control myself, you just need to face the fact that i'm not a 10 year old anymore. I make just as much money as you do on the streets, and I can handle anyone who comes my way. You need to shut up and let me live my life." I say hesitantly. Jack let out a small sigh looking off into the city skyline. I pray that he won't be an asshole and agree with me this time.

"...you gotta point." He says guilty. Yes thank god. A smile grew on my face.

"...but I don't want you seeing Race anymore."