My Cigar

Confessions

I finally get back to Manhattan and immediately look for Race. I just needed to see him and let him know i'm still alive. I was kinda scared to go back. Jack is gonna murder me, and Race might be mad because I didn't tell him I was leaving. I didn't even leave a note. What if they thought I was stolen? I walk and find Race  sitting under a street light. By now it was night time. And all you could see was Race sitting on the floor looking at the newspaper. He looks up at me and his eyes light up.

"Kenny!" He says running towards me and wrapping his arms around me. It was like he hasn't seen me in years. I hug him back and shut my eyes. I know I've only been gone for more than 12 hours, but facing Katie like that made me realize how lucky I am to have Race. He pulls out of the hug and completely lets go of me.

"Where have you been? Do you know how long i've been looking around for you?" Race ask getting angry.

"Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you where I was going." I apologize. "I get it if your mad at me but I can explain."

"Oh you've got a lot of explaining to do; you weren't even in Manhattan!" Race yells pointing his hand to the streets. Shit he is really mad.

"I didn't go far." I say looking down at the ground. I knew that wasn't gonna get me out of this.

"Why would you just run away like that? Do you know how scared I was-" He says with his voice getting louder. How do I get him to shut up right now? I can't kiss him. He's mad at me and that's gonna make things worse. 

"I was in Queens ok?" I yell over him. His angry face turns into a confused expression. Then I think it hit him on why I was there.

"What were you doin there?" He says in a soft voice.

"I met a friend of yours i guess."

"You didn't meet..." He starts.

"Katie?" I ask. His face becomes guilty. 

"Kenny hear me out I..." He starts.

"I'm not mad Race... but why didn't I even know that you had girls before me? We've known each other since we were kids." I say with my voice starting to get shaky.

"Look I was lost. I was a mess when I turned 15. I couldn't stop smoking, I was drinking alcohol like it was water, and... I was messin around with girls i didn't even know the names to." Race says regretfully moving his gaze from my eyes to the ground.

 "I didn't know what the point of living was. Albert and JoJo were tryin everything but i wouldn't stop going out like this. But then we started to get closer and and I realized that girls aren't just toys." He explains in a quiet voice. It kinda hurt a little to hear all this. To hear that Race lost "it" to a random girl kind of makes it harder for me to trust him. But in all honesty, I wasn't expecting him to open up like that. But again, HOW THE FUCK DID I NOT KNOW THIS?

"How come I never knew any of this?" I ask.

"...Cause I didn't want you to think of me as a bad person." He says softly looking hopelessly in my eyes. My heart skipped a beat and a chill went down my spine. I stood there for a minute trying to process what he just said.

"Does that mean that all these years... you liked me?" I ask.

"I know... you's might think I'm weird." Race blushes scratching the back of his neck looking to the ground. I started laughing in relief at the fact that this whole time he liked me and I was just sitting there over thinking everything. I feel less creepy now.

"Why's you laughing?" He ask confused.

"Race, I've liked you for a good 5 years." I laugh. "And I never wanted to tell you cause I was scared you would think I was crazy for holding on that long." I confess. Saying that made me feel like a 100 pound weight was lifted off my chest. It's been hard keeping that from him. A smile grew on his face.