Brave

Chapter 16: Talking it Out

Once I'm home and I've had my post-therapy nap, I'm struck with a desire to talk to Ethan.

I need to talk to him.

I send him a text, asking if we can get together for coffee.

His reply comes within minutes: I'll pick you up around 4 :)

As promised, Ethan arrives at 4 PM. When he comes in, I hesitantly reach up to hug him but he overrides my hesitation and pulls me tightly into a hug, kissing my cheek at the same time. "Where do you want to go?" He asks as if nothing has ever been awkward between us.

"There's a new place here in Charlotte, kind of a hipster hangout, if you can handle that," I tease.

"Sounds perfect," he laughs.

Once we get settled into a quiet corner of the café, I jump right in, "You have a strange effect on me, Ethan."

His surprise is as obvious as mine. "What does that mean?"

I shrug and I swallow hard. Why am I telling him this when I told him to back off not very long ago? "I can't quite figure it out, but I always feel safe with you. Protected, maybe," I venture. "Why is that?"

He draws his eyebrows together as his lips scrunch into a funny expression. "I have no idea why that is. Maybe I'm a miracle worker." He stops and looks at me as if he's said something terrible. "Oh, I'm so sorry, you don't like the word miracle."

I throw a sarcastic look his way and say, "Very funny. It's not that I don't like the word. I just don't understand why, if God can do them, why doesn't he do them for everyone?"

"That, my dear, is a very tough question," Ethan begins with a smirk. "Philosophers and theologians have struggled with that one question for centuries. If God is all-good, then why does he let people suffer?"

I nod emphatically, waiting for him to continue, but he doesn't. "Well?" I finally ask.

"You think I have the answer?" He scoffs playfully.

"Well, maybe you can tell me why God doesn't seem to care that I'm struggling, but when I'm with you, everything falls into place." I feel a flush in my cheeks after admitting that to him. "You want to hear something really weird?" I continue and he opens his eyes wide with a nod. "When I saw myself in the mirror at therapy today, and you were standing behind me, I felt more confident than I have since this all began. How do you do that?"

Again, confusion crosses his face. "You're asking some tough questions here," he laughs. "I don't think I'm doing anything in particular. I would guess that when we're together, you start to understand how I see you."

I take another sip of coffee as I process that explanation, his words warming my insides more than the drink. He has so much confidence, in himself and in others. It makes sense that I would pick up on his positive energy.

"I just never had to rely on someone else to make me feel capable, you know?" I admit in an almost-whisper. "It's kind of humiliating."

"Sarah," he says gently, placing his hand on mine. "I never want to make you feel that way. But we all need help once in a while."

"I don't," I say pouting. Then I realize that I sound like a spoiled child. "Okay, maybe I do, but I don't like needing  help. I think I know myself pretty well. So why can't I just figure it all out on my own?"

"First of all, if you're asking me for God's perspective, he didn't create us to be solitary. He meant for us to have relationships, family, friends, people who are there for us. That doesn't make us weak. It just works out well when we find others who complement us. And also, if you only rely on your own self-assessment, you'd probably miss some things. God doesn't see you only in the way you see yourself. He sees your potential and he sees everything he loves about you. I'm not as wise as God, but maybe I can see some things about you that you've missed."