Could Have Been Better (Crush Series #2)

Chapter 17

"May kailangan tayong pag-usapan, dad," bulalas ko.

Narinig ko ang paglapag niya ng mga kubiyertos. Now, he's attention was all on me. "What is it? May problema ba sa enrollment mo?"

He asked, maybe thinking that I was talking about my enrollment since he asked about it.

Inilingan ko iyon nang malaman niyang hindi tungkol doon ang sasabihin ko.

Huminga ako ng malalim bago nagsalita. "Two weeks ago, kasama ko po si Conrad sa isang mall," panimula ko.

Nagtaas siya ng kilay. Ang kaniyang atensyon ay nasa akin pa rin. It's like he didn't really know what's going on and he was curious.

"We were about to enter a restaurant when..." nag-iwas ako ng tingin at kinagat ang aking labi. Paulit-ulit na bumalik sa isip ko ang nakita. "I saw you," halos bulong na lamang iyon.

I turned to him. Puno ng gulat ang kaniyang ekspresyon. I nodded my head as if understanding something. So it was true. If his reaction was like this, then what Conrad and I saw was real. I know it's real, though. I'm not dreaming when I felt how the pain in my chest killed me that day. But I'm still wishing that someday, I would wake up from this nightimare and everything will be okay.

"Elaine. That was..." dad tried to say but I interrupted him.

"I think you already know what I was talking about, dad. Ayoko na sanang balikan ang mga nakita ko noon. Hindi ang eksenang iyon ang gusto kong pag-usapan," bulalas ko sa kalmadong tono kahit na pinupunit na naman ang mga parte sa puso ko.

Kumuyom ang kamay ni daddy sa ibabaw ng mesa. No, I won't ask him to explain. I don't need him to explain. Isa lang naman ang gusto kong malaman.

"I already told mom what I saw," there was coldness in my voice. Hindi ko maiwasan. Naaalala ko kung paano umiyak si mommy nang ikwento ko sa kaniya ang nakita. "She decided on some things..."

Tiningnan ko siya. Tahimik lamang siya. Sa aking isip ay nanlalamig ako. He was guilty. He knew he was wrong. And nothing can change the fact that he cheated on us.

"Uuwi ako sa states. I already have a ticket. I did not enroll for the next school year. Next week ay lilipad na ako patungong L.A."

"Anak, magpapaliwanag ako—"

Umiling ako kaya naman tumigil siya. Kitang kita ko ang luhang dumaloy galing sa mga mata niya. It didn't do anything to lessen the pain that I was feeling. He really should be guilty. At kahit pa nagsisisi siya sa nagawa, hindi niyon maaalis ang sakit na dinulot niya sa amin ni mommy.

"Isa lang ang gusto kong malaman, dad." Tinitigan ko nang maigi ang kaniyang mga mata.

I want to know the truth in his eyes. Ang sabi nila, kung gusto mo raw malaman kung totoo o hindi ang sinasabi ng isang tao, all you have to do is to look at the person's eyes. I have done that so many times to Conrad. At hindi ako niloko ng mga nakita ko. I hope it would work to dad.

"Ayokong maghiwalay kayo ni mommy." Nanginig at umalon ang boses ko. "Kahit na galit na galit ako at isinusumpa ko na kayo dahil sa ginawa niyo, I still don't want you to separate. Gusto kong malaman kung sakaling papipiliin kita ngayon, sinong pipiliin mo? Pumili ka, dad. Ang babae mo o kami?"

Parang may tumarak na kutsilyo sa dibdib ko nang itanong iyon kay daddy. Ni hindi sumagi sa isip ko noon na darating kami sa puntong ito. I thought we were happy. Well, somehow we were happy. Kahit na wala si mommy, alam kong nagmamahalan ang pamilya namin. Until recently, it changed my thinking of the things between our family.

Siguro kaya gustong pumunta ni daddy sa Amerika noong bata pa ako ay para makasama si mommy. I witnessed how he tried to convince mom to stop working so that we could be together again. Maaari kaming magsama sa iisang bubong. But mom's work required her presence all the time. Kaya nagkulang siya sa amin ni daddy.