Playing Sleep

ten » the process of falling apart

Nodding my head at her statement, I smiled at her enthusiasm, "No, I know. I totally agree. It's so draining to simply see people going about their everyday lives, couples make everything so much more interesting."

I was forgetting my purpose, why I came to meet her. Things were just going so well, we were enjoying ourselves and chatting as if we were old friends. It wasn't like we'd had an argument, it was only the fact that I didn't want to create one. Emily, although I'd known her for only a week or two, was quickly growing on me. I didn't want to create conflict. Only, if the fact that I knew about her anxiety wasn't shared, there was a greater chance of her being mad when she would eventually learn about it. Secrets had a way of getting out. Sooner rather than later.

Just as I was about to mention something, our food arrived.

"Two king burger combos." Our waiter placed the plates on the table, the huge portions glaring up at me, calling my name.

"Thank you!" Emily chimed as she immediately reached for one of her fries. Grinning, she munched it down and picked up her burger as the waiter walked off, and I copied her gesture.

"You're really hung-over then, aren't you?" I asked, right before I took a huge bite out of the burger. It was so good, the meat and melted cheese tasted like heaven as the lettuce, onion, tomato, cucumber and sauces all accompanied the glory.

"Mhmmm." Was all Emily mumbled as she chewed her food. Swallowing, she wiped a napkin over her mouth and took a sip of her coffee before sighing in contempt. "That is exactly what I needed."

Trying not to laugh as I ate, I clamped a hand over my mouth to prevent any chunks from escaping.

"Right, you eat first. I need to talk to you about yesterday anyway."

At that, I went pale, I could tell. There was a part of me that was terrified that she'd found out about what I knew, even though we were mere moments away from me spilling the beans anyway. For some reason, the idea that she found out through someone else terrified me.

Despite the fact that my food was not properly chewed, I swallowed it anyway, the chunks burning as they slipped down my throat. "Eh?" Was all I could get out as I choked on the under-chewed food.

"Wow, dude. Calm down." Emily smiled, taking a gulp of her coffee. I copied her, using the liquid to soothe my throat. "It's just Cass told me you took me home, and I wanted to thank you. You didn't have too, but you saw that I was really drunk and helped me. It means a lot that you did that, Jay." Her voice slowly became quieter and more sincere as she talked, each word hitting my heart harder than the last.

Sitting there, stupefied, I could only find myself asking one question, "How much do you remember?"

She laughed, tapping her fingernails on the table, she ate a fry before replying, "Well, not much." At that, I let out a sigh of relief, which seemed to go unnoticed by her, "but I remember before we went to 'JumpRs', we were walking together. And at some point you told me to sit down... then we left and I... um, freaked out a little." The smile faltered as she finished the sentence, and I watched as something looking similar to hope crossed over her face.

"Yeah. I, um, need to tell you something about that." I gulped, and crossed my hands over each other on the table. Trying to not look nervous was useless, so instead I simply took a deep breath and looked her in the eyes. It's not a big deal, Jason. Calm the fuck down, now. I told myself, my heart beating too fast.

"Oh." Emily started, a worried expression taking over her face. She was nervous enough about mentioning the episode in a casual conversation, now that I was actually about to tell her that I knew about her anxiety, she looked as though she might disappear. She had shrunk back into the seat and was picking at the bun of her half-finished burger.