The Return (Teen Wolf Fanfic)

What Did The Fox Say?

When I make my long awaited return from la la land the first thing I feel is that son of a beast pain from getting my snot stolen from me. But with being all ADHD and witty the feeling and I are like those best friends who compete over a girl and when she picks one of them it's all awkward but the friendship between the besties are welcomed and comfortable. Yeah very This Means War speaking of that movie Chris is a funny asshole and Reese is the biggest mother hen ever she's the sweetest milf ever.

"How hard did you hit the jerk?" a voice I know immediately recognize as Scott asked another person.

"Hard enough to think about pissing himself but soft enough that there's no brain damage. So not hard enough, the ass deserves to shit his net worth in shit." Malia grumbles back in that dry tone I grew to appreciate.

I hear an all out whispered war so I decide to open my eyes and check out the scene. I see Peter reading a book on a hospital chair, Derek looking out the window, Kira and Lydia talking on a nearby couch, Scott standing right in front of me staring into my eyes (it was honestly glaring) and Sam leaning over me. I sit up groaning and draw everyone's eyes to me- great.

"5 bloody years and my return gets the snot punched and slapped outta me? I thought I was an arse but looks like I'm not the biggest one." I comment in my award winning British accent that I picked up from my English roles and London vacations.

"Oh cut the crap Stilinski you honestly deserve to be in a coma right now." Lydia comments offhandedly.

"You wound me so deeply." I say just as dry standing up to my full 6'2 height easily towering everyone else. I walk over to my unconscious father. "Sam type this down, ready? OK call the maids get the closest room to me cleaned and stocked with all the medical shit that dad could need like full on hospital status, get a mover to grab his shit from his house, call the pilot and crew to get the jet refueled and shit from the hospital to transport dad, a doctor and nurse to go with us, oh and cancel the Bugatti shipment. Did you get all that?"

"Yup." she replied. I looked around to see angry eyes.

"What's with the glare of doom?" I ask the room.

"I think it has something to do with your plans" Peter chirps in flipping a page.

"What's the problemo folks?"

"Sheriff's not going to L.A. with you Stiles." Derek states plainly.

"His doctor clears it then I think he will. I am his son I think I can handle this Sourwolf." I reply simply.

"Son? You're his son since when? Does he remember that? You can't take him away from us like you have some right to, like your entitled to!" Scott hisses back at me. Huh never knew he could sound so vicious without wolfing out.

"Scotty boy chill let me explain and clear out the confusion. Faattthheerrrr" I point to my comatose dad, "sssoonn" I point to myself. "I'm a grown man I think I can do this but thanks for the advice. Now Samantha did you jump start everything? We need to be back in L.A. by tomorrow the latest you know how I feel." I smile at Scott and move on to Sam.

"Jackass can you not hear did all those screaming fans deafen you a little? You are not taking anyone and besides Melissa didn't agree." Malia pronounces clearly.

"Why the hell would I need Ms. McCall's permission is she the head nurse or something?'

"Ms. McCall or Ms. McCall-soon-to-be-Stilinski" Kira mumbles.

"What did the fox say?"

"Yo papa and Scott's mama are engaged to be married." Peter smirks finally looking up to see my reaction.

"SAM!" I bark.

"Sti I tried to tell you but you were facetiming Mark." Sam calmly tells me not bothered my bark.

"Ruffalo?"

"No."

"Cuban?'

"Not that asshat either"

"Then who Mark mother trucking Twain?!" I get frustrated.

"More like Wahlberg. Mark Wahlberg." Sam smiles frustrating me even more.

"Let's move this outside, I don't want to cause a scene in front of my dad or anything. How about the Starbucks across the street?" I offer. "My treat. Sammy darling get Sean and Tom for me please and tell them we're on the move."

"Who the hel-"Lydia starts up.

"Starbucks dear." I give her a fake smile. "Now someone leaked I'm here so you could cover your face or flash your eyes to mess up the shot but with so much eyes on us that would be to hard to explain about too much of you. And for the love of curly fries 'No comment' are the only words you know if you know any. Tom and Sean aren't in the know on the good shit so stay normal OK? Leggo."