girls your age || clinton cave

idontwanttobeyouanymore; pt 9

/unedited./

"are you stupid?!" i flinch at my brothers words, keeping my head down.

"answer me, mariah. why did you do it?"

i play with my fingers, chewing on my lower lip to prevent me from crying as my voice comes out as a small whisper, "i don't know"

"you don't know?!" he sighs angrily, pinching the bridge of his nose as he shuts his eyes.

i continue sitting there not understanding how one kiss got me here.

i've kissed plenty of guys before, why does it matter now?

"you always have to be so childish, nothing is ever good enough for you. these are my friends and i don't need you ruining this for me, you doing this didnt only mess up your relationship, but you've got clinton in trouble and now this whole situation could make this awkward, so thank you mariah."

he's right

"i'm sorry, jay.. I didn't think this would happen, it was in the spur of the moment. we were drunk."

he shakes his head before laughing, "all you ever give me is excuses, well being drunk is no excuse."

i just nod, i hate when my brother and i fight, he's all i have left.

"you're going to tell mark. You have to before this whole thing blows up."

i snap my head up quickly, shaking my head with wide eyes, "please, don't make me, you know i can't handle confrontation well."

"well maybe next time, you shouldn't be such a whore." he walks out of my room, slamming the door behind him.

the tears roll down my cheeks freely, the salty taste lingering on my lips and the mascara smudging down with the tears.

you're just a whore, no one will ever love you.

i get up, walking towards the vanity near my bed as i stare at myself, my straight hair slowly curling in random places from my sweat, my cheeks have trails of tears and makeup falling down to the edge of my face.

i slip my dress off, changing into leggings and a royal blue sweatshirt before throwing my hair into a messy bun, i look back at myself, smiling the best i can before i feel anger rise inside me.

i throw the object closest to me, being an eyeshadow pallet before i watch it leave a small crack in the mirror and the eyeshadows breaking and falling over the dresser.

i knock everything off my vanity and continue throwing everything in my way at my walls, i find myself screaming before i fall to the ground, bringing my knees into my chest as i continue crying, at this point not caring who can hear me.

whore

that word repeats itself in my head, over and over.

I was crying so much, i didn't notice someone walk in.

i feel arms wrap around me and i look up surprised to see mitchel.

"hey, hey, hey what's wrong? it's okay" he says rocking us back and forth and continues his attempt of comforting me.

"I'm a whore." i mumble out before i feel myself start crying all over again.