Beneath the Surface

I

What lies on the outside, differs from the inside. I look and see variation of skin, from Brown to white, and freckles forming constellations to bare skin. I see the various artworks spread across each canvas, but only what is painted for viewing. The rest cannot simply be seen.

~

Pink and orange streaks are painted among the blue sky as the sun starts to set in the west. The seagulls head home as the night begins. There is  something in the air that is quite peaceful yet unsettling. The water remains cold and empty. Immense waves roar through the ocean, pushing and pulling every part of me. I can hear my head pounding and every cell in my body screaming for oxygen. The pressure deepens in my chest as the last bit of warmth reaches my skin. I can no longer hear the sound of birds chirping to their loved ones, or kids screaming to their parents about how much they don't want to leave. The final rays of light peak through from surface as the darkness engulfs the night sky. Its peaceful. No school, no parents, and no pain. This is it. 

"Emiliano wake up! This is a lecture hall not a napping class." A harsh voice screams, jolting me awake. I peak around and I'm greeted with a furious Mr. Croft as laughter erupts throughout the class. "Sorry sir, won't happen again.' I respond immediately straightening up. He mumbles inaudible words but resumes his lecture on the human brain. Rushing to get back on track, I gather my notes up and start filling in what I've missed. 

The study of the mind and its functions. Funny that is, if only we knew what runs through everyone's mind. It would be detrimental and society wouldn't be the way it is. There is no way to tell how someone truly feels & thinks, unless they tell you, but even then that could never truly measure up to what really goes on inside. We see what they want us to see. It is simple, many may see that I laugh & smile, and can assume I am content. We assume people's mental stability by their present emotions, when in reality we are barely scratching the surface. Maybe I am laughing because I want to cry and don't know how else to display my emotions without causing too much attention to myself? When someone notices a girl crying, they automatically assume she is an attention seeker. That may be true, but what if she's been holding emotions in for so long, that finally she just broke? No one cares to see how she is, we see it as assisting the girl who cried wolf. Maybe she just needed someone to check in on her. What is painted on the outside can never truly reflect what is on the inside.

The bell rings interrupting my thoughts. Collecting my belongings, I head out to the lobbies. I've never been so eager to head out of class. My eyes sweep the halls looking for a near exit when instead, they land on her, standing over in the corner shoving her bag full of books. It's been a long time since I've seen her in person, yet she's been here all along. Her brown hair covering her rosy pink cheeks as she concentrates on the screen in-front of her. A breath hitches in my throat as she looks up in my direction but quickly diverts her attention to her phone. In the moment which was only a mere few seconds, felt like days. Oh her brown eyes, I'll never forget her brown eyes. The golden color much like the gold everyone so desperately tries to dig up from the ground, provide some sort of comfort to anyone who dares to hold her gaze.  "Hey Emiliano, are we still on for tonight?" Dario interrupts as he steps into my view of her. "Tonight? What's tonight?" I say as I gaze across the hall at her as she hastily starts to vanish from my view. "The pregame match? Remember we agreed on meeting up to shoot around before the big game tomorrow?" Dario says annoyed. I shake my head in objection. " Change of plans, I can't, my dad wanted to meet for dinner, and you know how he is." I speak, pulling out my phone as it vibrates. Dario looks at me in disappointment but nods. 

Dario has always been my best friend since grade school. We met through our dads, whom my dad was his dads boss. We started playing soccer together at the age of 8. Dario knew how strict my dad was, especially when it came to being on time to important family dinners. He knew it was important if my dad even planned on a dinner, considering he was always busy. We once made that mistake of ignoring my dads wishes, to go play soccer, we were totally in for it when we arrived back to my house. I can remember the look my dad gave me the whole night, it was almost like i had satan himself sitting across from me. Dario was understanding though and never questioned me if it has something to do with my dad. Saying our goodbyes, I open my phone to a missed call from dad. Dialing his number back in fear of what he would say because i missed his call. "I swear I'm on my way" I say as he picks up the phone. "There's no need, I have to cancel, work called in, we can reschedule for tomorrow. " He says, immediately I sigh knowng this might happen. It's not the first time he cancels, so I'm used to it. Without my mom around, it gets lonely though."Yeah no that's cool, I'll see you at home." I respond as I head into my car. Hanging up the phone, I sit in the driver's seat of my jeep. No surprise there. That's all it ever was, work work work. I should have just left state the moment I graduated from high-school.  I wouldn't feel so trapped, i'd be free: Free like ocean waves. I don't think I could actually ever really leave the beach scene though. The ocean, it's my home, the tides and waves make me feel alive. Jumping into the waves and standing up on my board, its exhilarating. I forget everything troubling me, it's truly euphoric. No more worries of being the perfect son or perfect student. It all goes away.