Idolize Me

Chapter Seventeen

"You skipped last week's session. Why is that?"

"Because I didn't want to come."

I heard her sigh, as she sat on the chair in front of me, "Why didn't you want to come?"

"Cut the bullshit, Athena, you know why." I finally looked up at her. The same woman I have gone to speak with since I was a child. The same woman and the only who knows everything about me. Who had drugged me to the point of feeling nothing at all and feeling everything at once.

I hate this woman.

She frowned, "So you've been having those thoughts again?"

"No."

There was a long silence before she spoke, "Lying won't get you anywhere, we've talked about this."

I clenched my hands into fists, "What do you want me to say?"

"How?"

"How." I didn't repeat it as a question. I knew what she meant.

"Yes, how this time. I heard you and your father got into an argument before you left for university, is that what caused it?"

"No." Of course she heard. My mother tells her everything.

"Ezra, I need you to cooperate with me."

"I am."

"You are being vague and dismissive. We are here for two hours, let's make use of it." I swallowed at the thought of sitting here for that long. I should be used to it by now.

I'm not.

When I didn't respond, she spoke up again. "Were you thinking about hurting yourself again?"

I can't breathe. It's so fucking dark in here. I glanced at the window. The curtains were blocking the light. It shouldn't be so dark.

"Ezra?"

I looked at her.

"Were you thinking about hurting yourself again?"

I blinked, and said, "Yes."

She looked relieved that I answered, sometimes I didn't. Sometimes I sat here without saying anything at all. Those were the days my parents preferred to hate me. "Why?"

Hot. My skin feels hot. "I don't want to do this."

"I understand you don't like it here, but you must also understand that I'm here to help you, not hurt you." She paused, "So tell me why you wanted to hurt yourself."

I shook my head, "No, I won't."

"Ezra, look at me." I looked at her, I didn't see a human, I saw a doctor. I saw a doctor who enjoyed picking at my brain because I'm the only person who has ever been born a multi-billionaire. I saw a doctor who preferred to hurt people in the name of discovery. I saw a doctor who laughs when people are scared. I saw a doctor who is being paid thousands to abuse my mentality.

I saw a doctor who liked to drug people until they try to kill themselves.

Panic, my mind was in chaos. Every bad thought, every painful emotion had combusted in my head. I couldn't think, I couldn't feel, I couldn't breathe.

"I have to leave." I said, my breathing unhinged, I needed to get out of this room, away from these grey walls, away from her.

She quickly stood, and placed her hands on my shoulders, "You can't leave, you know you have to legally stay here for the duration of the-"

I couldn't hear her, all my mind focused on was her touch. She was touching me, her filthy hands. Her disgusting fucking hands were on me.

"Get off."

"Ezra enough of this."

"Get off!" I pushed her back and she fell onto the chair behind her. I could hear her call for security as I tried to exit the room. Two armed officers, who were waiting for me in case I had tried to escape like I am now, came up to me and grabbed my arms.

"He's panicking again." I could hear her tell the officers and I tried to fight out of their grip. When they had pulled me back into the grey room I could feel the air escape my lungs I could feel my skin burning on my bones.

I tried to tell them that I couldn't breathe but they held tight to my arms as I watched her dial a number on her phone. I knew what that meant. I knew who she was calling, and I didn't want her to. I felt like a kid all over again, a kid who was afraid of that one goddamn phone call.

No, no, no. "Hello Mr. Scott, I'm terribly sorry to be bothering you like this."

A pause.

"Yes, I'm calling about him. He's here, but he's currently having another attack. He tried to leave again, you are aware I can't make any decisions, it is up to you whether he can leave or stay overnight in the psych ward."

My eyes widened, "No." I said and shook my head, "Don't you fucking dare send me there." Frantic, my words were frantic. They can't send me back to the ward. The screaming, the needles, the drugs. "I can't go back there, I won't go." Spinning the room was spinning, "Fuck you, I won't go back!" I was shouting, praying that my father would, for once, show any mercy for me. Show me that he cared at all.

"Alright Mr. Scott, that's all I needed to know." She said to the phone, "You too." She hung up.

The room fell silent, my heart was beating so fast it was pounding in my ears.

Then she looked up at the officers and took a deep breath, "Take him."

I screamed.