Recovery / / h.s

Chapter Twenty-Three.

"And how do you know?" I asked, my stomach seeming to literally flip at the thought of Lily even liking me a little bit.

No. No she didn't like me back. I was her "good friend" Harry. I was the guy that told her I loved her and took it back. I was an asshole.

"I just know," Amelia responded simply. No words were spoken after that. I dropped her off in front of her house and she gave me a quick thank you before sneaking inside.

The only place i could take Lily was my apartment. She could hardly walk, let alone sneak into her house. The thought of Lily sleeping over excited me more than it should have for it being as innocent as this.

I carried her bridal style to my apartment, unlocking the door with one hand and using my foot to kick the door open. My arms began to quiver as she shifted around.

Confused blue eyes stared up at me as I made my way across the living room to my bedroom. I had to use one hand to turn the door handle and Lily groaned loudly realizing that she shouldn't move around too much.

"Harry?" She asked, using the same slurred voice as before.

"Hi Lily," I whispered. She smiled up at me.

"The room is spinning," she groaned as I placed her gently into my bed. Hopefully she would remember this when she was sober and she would never want to drink again. Hopefully.

I undid the straps of her shoes, allowing them to fall to the ground with a loud thud when I slid them off her feet. She sighed in relief, wiggling her toes.

I pulled the blankets up to her shoulders. I watched her as she settled in. She bunched the edge of the comforter in her hands and buried her face into it, sniffing loudly.

"It smells like you," she said weakly. "You always smell so good." It amazed me that even though she was beyond the point of legal intoxication she could still form coherent sentences.

She finally decided that laying on her side was the most comfortable after a few more minutes of squirming around. She watched me expectantly, tonight's make up smudged and running down her cheeks. I hoped for that assholes sake that he did not make her cry again.

"Goodnight Lily." I whispered, bending down and kissing her forehead. Her eyelashes fluttered and she sighed when I pulled away. As i began to walk away, I felt her grab my hand and try her hardest to pull me back.

"Where are you going?" She asked. Her words were slurred but understandable.

"To the couch."

"Nooooo," she cried, sounding like a child. "Stay here. Sleep in here with me."

"Lillian, I don't-"

"Please?" She squeaked. If she wouldn't have used her sad blue eyes to lure me in, I might have been persistent with my no. Might have.

I sighed, walking to the other side and climbing into bed beside her. Her smile was bright, knowing that she had pawned me into getting what she wanted.

The bed was oddly warm. I hadn't had another person in my bed since the last girl I brought home with me after a night at the bar. Thinking back on the guy I used to be made me cringe.

"Mmmm, Harry," Lily sighed, moving closer to me. Her head rested on my shoulder and her body was smushed against my side.

"Yes, Lillian?" I moved my arm around her, pulling her closer. She lay her head on my chest and my breath caught in my throat. The girl I loved was wrapped in my arms.

"I think you're great," she said. She traced over the heart tattoo on my lower stomach over and over, covering my skin in goosebumps from the touch of her finger.

"I think your drunk." She giggled, craning her neck up to look at me. She found the swallowtail tattoos near my collarbones and began tracing over those, not breaking eye contact once. I wanted to-needed to kiss her.

"I like these tattoos," she said. "Oh and this." She moved her finger away from my tattoos for a second to lightly tug on my lip ring. Giggling to herself as she went back to tracing.

I was so toxically in love with this girl. I loved the way she giggled and the way she would look up at me every few minutes to see if I was asleep. I wouldn't fall asleep before her, but she kept checking just to make sure. I loved the way she smelled like flowers and i loved that my bed would probably smell like her for days. Most importantly, I loved the way her body seemed to mold perfectly into mine.

"Harry, why did you tell me you loved me and then took it back?" She asked simply. I'm not sure if my heart stopped beating or if it sped up at her question. My stomach twisted into knots and flipped in my stomach for the thirtieth time since I had picked her up tonight.

"I can't ever begin to explain how sorry I am for that." My heart rate was definitely speeding up now. Hopefully she wouldn't remember this in the morning. She snuggled her face into my chest and I held her tighter. Sober Lily would have gotten argumentative at this point. Drunk Lily was calm.

"Did you even love me?" She wondered. Her attention was now focused on the rose on my arm.

"I did ," I answered honestly, sucking in a breath. She looked up at me again, her eyes wide. "And I still love you now ."

In a perfect world, I would have kissed Lily right there. She would tell me that she loved me too and that she had been waiting for me to say those words again since I had said them the first time. But we do not always get what we want and so the most I got were her legs wrapped in my own and her quiet snores as she drifted off into an alcohol induced sleep.

As she slept, i lay there with my arms wrapped around her tightly with the achingly painful thought that this is the way things were supposed to be.