Desperate

~ eleven ~

        I ended up having a severe concussion and a broken nose. I was hospitalized for four days. Nobody came to visit, not even Jason. While I was there, there was something that Jason said (back when Shreyas would still look at me) that kept running through my mind. At the time, we were at his house, sharing a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food. I was desperately trying to keep the conversation light, but Jason was persistent. He wanted to talk about Shreyas.

        “Scar,” he said, “we have to talk about him at some point.”

        I laughed, taking another scoop of the ice cream. “We honestly don’t.”

       “You can tell me anything.”

        I laughed. “Stop getting so deep, you’re worrying me.”

        “I’m trying to be serious here Scarlett.”

        “I’m being serious too. Do you have a fever?”

        He gave me a look. “I don’t want to talk about it.” I was exasperated, he really couldn’t let sleeping dogs lie.

        “C’mon, Scar. We both know that’s not true.”

        I frowned, but one look from Jason and I was a goner. He had me in the bag.

        “I see your face when you look at him, every time you’re near him it tears you up inside. It’s written all over your face”

        Jason was the only one who could see straight through my yeah-I’m-fine façade that everyone seemed pretty convinced by.

        “I’m fine.” He rolled his eyes at me and grabbed my arm from across the counter.

        “Scar, I know you’re not.”

        I cracked. The tears started to fall before I could even begin my sentence.

        “I just don’t want us to be over so early. And I feel like if we aren’t over we are on-again-off-again and I just don’t think I could deal with that kind of relationship with someone like Shreyas.”

        He scoffed. “With you and Shrey it’s never off, it’s just less on.”

        I laughed, but my thoughts did not reflect my actions. I knew something was wrong. I knew that this time was different.

        For the first time since the sixth grade, I started to doubt if we were still on, or if we were finally off.