FAKE

seventeen

The drive home is quiet. It almost seems to pass faster than the drive to Houston. 

Aria is fine, though she occasionally wonders aloud if Ross will be alright. 

Adam, on the other hand, is unusually quiet. He's radiating some sort of worried vibe. He won't admit to it though.  

For most of the trip, they end up sitting in the front of the truck together, which means I am alone with my thoughts in the back.

While it's insanely lonely, it gives me the time I have been needing to just sit and think.

About what's happened.

About him.

About everything.

And it's a lot. It seems infinite.

The rush of it all has tangled everything into a giant knot of anger, love, melancholy, and so much more.

I am starting to believe that it's going to take a very long time to sort out everything.

***

We arrive at my house around 10 PM. Adam opens the door for me to get out and Aria swiftly pulls me into a tight hug.

"I'm so glad we've met," She smiles sadly. I nod numbly in agreement.

"Please take care of yourself, do you want my number? I could check in if you'd like and we could catch up!" She suggests. I nod again and laugh softly.

"Of course," I say and put my number into her phone since mine has been dead for a while.

She smiles again, and I can't help smiling a tiny bit, too.

"Maybe I'll see you soon," She offers hopefully.

I know how optimistic she is, but I really don't think either of us will have the time to talk anytime soon.
More likely, I'll move to the back of her thoughts, and eventually, I'll be gone.

"Yeah, I'll talk to you soon."

She hugs me again one more time and I grab my backpack. Adam gives me a half-hearted wave and they get back in the truck.

As they leave, I dig through my bag and find my house key at the very bottom.

I unlock the door and survey the room.

Chairs are knocked over, doors left open, even my bookcase has been moved away to expose the wall behind it. The curtains that had been drawn over a window in the living room had been pulled down.

But honestly, I don't really think anyone has stopped by since the last time I was here.

I pick up the chairs at my kitchen bar and go to my bedroom.

The mattress is pulled off of the frame, sitting on the floor, but I'm too tired at this point.

I plug in my phone then collapse on the mattress and promptly fall asleep.

***

I spend the next few weeks doing my best to return to my old life.

I fix the bookcase, buy new curtains, pull my bed back to the frame, and even make it to the grocery store.

I had done my best to keep up with family and friends who had been asking for me.

Rydel had especially been worried. I had to keep reassuring her I was alright. She asked to meet a few times, but I still hadn't straightened up everything, so I made up as many excuses as I could think of.

The house was too quiet. I tried to play music for the most part, but then there were times when I'd be lying alone in my bed and everything would be so silent that it was terribly uncomfortable.

Of course, with the silence comes the racing thoughts that crowd and grasp for my attention.

My pride can't let me admit it, but I miss him.

I still can't quite pinpoint the exact reason why, but maybe it still has to do with the resurfacing of the old him. Seeing that side of him had brought back the old me.

Maybe I secretly miss being the old me, too. I miss the blissful ignorance of just needing to be held in his arms to know everything's okay.

But am I missing him, or missing having him?

After all, there was a massive difference between the two.

And believing the wrong one would be a grave mistake.

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Short filler chapter but I promise there is purpose