FAKE

ten

Adam is studying me intently as we sit in a small diner. I can tell from his look he is trying to break down my movements, my words, even every breath I take to understand.

He is trying to understand how I got myself into this, how Ross and I ever even met, and why the tension between us could be sliced through with a knife. 

He and Ross are both sitting across from me, as if its not a good idea to breathe the air I have just exhaled. 

I pick at my own food and watch while Ross completely ignores not only his own plate but me. He instead chooses to focus on Adam and his cup of coffee.

I guess it was stupid to think he would acknowledge what happened between us. Instead, he just decides to act like it had never happened. An angry pressure begins to build in my chest as my head wallows in the irritation of not resolving the predicament. I push it deep down away from my thoughts and hope it stays hidden as long as possible.

They begin a quiet discussion, not even daring to look my way so that I do not interrupt with my own opinion. I stare down at the plate of pancakes in front of me. I don't really feel hungry anymore. Stomach churning, I take a sip of water and poke at the lemon in it with my straw.

"-all I'm saying is a rental car would be a great idea. We can take different ones to keep our make sure our trail isn't too traceable-"

"And what happens when I'm sitting in the front seat and we get pulled over by one of them?" Ross interjects. "Does that mean I have to lay on the floor of the backseat?"

"That seems paranoid," Adam decides, "I don't think they're spread out that much." 

"We don't know that."

"Fine. What's your brilliant idea to get out of here unnoticed?"

Ross thinks for a long moment.

"Take a U-Haul." I suggest and they both turn their heads to look at me, as if I hadn't been sitting the entire time. Since I don't get interrupted or shot down, I continue, "Then you'll have space not only for supplies but a place to sleep, and Ross can sit in the back of it if he wants." 

They both take a moment to consider my idea. Adam glances at Ross and waits until Ross has turned his head to converse. Ross raises an eyebrow and Adam nods. Ross sighs and looks back at me. 

"Sounds like a plan."

***

I ended up driving Adam to the U-Haul dealer in his car while Ross stayed back in the apartment to pack food and such together. Once I had returned to Adam's apartment, I parked myself on the couch. I can hear Ross pacing around the kitchen behind me as he gathers supplies. 

I sit and fiddle with my hair. Every fiber in my being is aching to confront him. But it could possibly be disastrous if either of us handle it the wrong way. 

It's really not like I have anything to lose at this point. I stand up and walk into the kitchen, then lean against a counter while I watch him pack. 

He doesn't acknowledge me at first, but after a few minutes I can tell he is starting to become bothered by being watched. He suddenly stops and turns to face me. 

"Is there something you're looking for?" He asks sharply.

"Just a question." I shrug and fold my arms across my chest. 

He rolls his eyes. "Ask away," he mutters as he walks to the refrigerator. He opens it and studies the food inside as I try to decide how to ask him. 

"Why did you kiss me?" I ask rather bluntly. He scoffs and slams the refrigerator door shut, turning towards me again. 

"Why did you kiss me?" He shoots back. 

"I didn't!"

He laughs in disbelief, "Oh, don't kid yourself, you leaned towards me and you know it."

I press my lips together and furrow my brows. 

"Then- then why-" I pause to think of a response. "Why did you let me?"

He shakes his head. "I don't know, Courtney, all I know is that it happened, and that's that." 

"No! No, not 'that's that,' why did that have to happen?" 

"Did you want it to?"

I don't answer and silence stretches out between us. He turns back to his packing.

Did I want to kiss him?

Well no, I had had myself braced against anything romantic towards him again. But something  younger and nostalgic in me was ecstatic to revive some sort of spark. I shake my head to clear my thoughts and look back at him.

"I don't know if I want to kiss a guy who called himself dead to break up with me." I decide. 

He spins around again, and while is voice is flat, his eyes are beginning to storm. 

"Don't accuse me of faking my death to leave you. I loved you. Just because I had to cover my tracks doesn't mean that it was because I was no longer happy with you. Not everything is about you." It was odd that he was actually arguing. Even though his tone was still so calm, it was heavy with something bitter. 

"Yeah, and I loved you," I snap, "And it hurt like hell when you were gone. Your decision was selfish."

"It was either leave you for good or leave you for a short time." 

"Oh yeah, traumatize me with heartbreak then come back without even acting like you did love me." I mock his excuse. 

His eyes blaze. He stalks towards me and before either of us seem to realize, he is kissing me roughly, and even crazier, I am kissing him right back. 

My hands are in his hair, on his neck, down his back. He lifts me onto the counter and his right hand slips behind my head and into my hair at the nape of my neck. His left hand wanders down my side and rests itself on my thigh. He breaks away so suddenly that I gasp softly, and his lips move to my neck. I run my fingers through and tug at his hair gently, then tilt my head back with a warm sigh.

Oh, God. What am I doing? 

His right hand falls to my waist and slips under my shirt, and his warm fingers slide over my skin.

No, no, no. This is wrong. I told myself this wasn't going to happen. I wasn't going to just forgive him and go back to what we were. I can't just do that-

I take in a sharp breath and push him off of me, then slide off of the counter and walk back to the couch without waiting to see how he reacts. 

I sit there and rub my neck guiltily where his lips had just been. 

The kitchen is silent. 

Just in time, Adam opens the door, and footsteps begin in the kitchen again. 

"I got the rental," Adam announces. I am so thankful he doesn't know what just happened.