No Strings Attached

Chapter Thirty-Two

"I've gotten pretty far in a very short amount of time, Scarlett. You underestimate me. I am with you, even when I'm not in the room. I am with you, whether or not you try to make me leave."

I laugh, pressing my hands to my face in frustration. "Don't you see the stakes? Don't you see what I see?"

"What? What do you see?"

"I see my career ending! I see nude photos, scandals on every paper. I see your mother, your sister shunning me. I see Lola releasing every horrible detail of my life. I see you and I being happy for a very small amount of time in public scrutiny... before their hate becomes too much, before I cannot find a job, and our relationship becomes more newsworthy than your work. I see you leaving me, or me leaving you, knowing it's what should have happened from the very beginning." I exhale. "It's the smart thing to do, Giovanni. It's what we have to do."

He stares at me. Just stares.

I can't bear it.

I shift, walking towards the table. I grab the coffee cup, simply needing something to hold. I feel his eyes on me as I walk towards the window, noticing how hard the snow is coming down.

"I love you, Scarlett," he suddenly whispers behind me.

My world momentarily stops. And then I'm back.

The mug shakes violently in my hand. Oh god.

"No, you don't," I whisper back, fearfully.

"Yes, I do."

My eyes shut tightly. "No... you don't."

"I fucking love you, Scarlett! Goddamn it!" He walks up to me, snatching the mug from my hands. He slams it down on the window sill. My body reactively flinches as he grasps my face between his hands. "Don't tell me how I feel!"

He leans in and I pull back my face, panicking, having lost my grounding.

He loves me.

He doesn't let me pull away. His grip tightens and pulls, forcing my mouth back to him. Our lips slam together, painfully, opening against one each other in desperation. Our teeth pull, our tongues consume till there is no air left between us. Still we push on, his hands pulling my hair until I hear my soft cry onto his lips, my nails digging into his skin until I begin to feel them bending.

We gasp together as he pulls his mouth back, opening his eyes, which are now dilated.

Mine had already opened.

I wait for the feeling of relief to hit, the moment where I realize his warmth, his affection has won me over once again. I wait for the moment where he's pushed the pain far enough that I can continue to pretend, continue to act like this isn't doomed to end badly.

But it doesn't come.

It doesn't come and I'm left staring at the beautiful face I've grown to rely upon, unable to breathe, knowing at some point, I'm going to let him walk out of that door, no matter how badly it hurts.

Because this has to stop. One of us has to be the one to do it.

His mouth curls furiously, desperate. "Tell me, Scarlett. Tell me you love me too."

"Giovanni."

"TELL ME!"

I bite down on my mouth, holding his gaze reluctantly.

He exhales. "Please..."

"I'm sorry," I whisper softly. I hear my breathing begin to quicken, my blood racing as he removes his hands from my face, pulling back slowly, his eyes slimming in disbelief.

"Fucking hell, Scarlett."

"You know I'm right," I say hastily. "Y-You know I'm telling you the truth! You know what happens if this gets out! You know this is wrong. You know it had to end at some point."

He holds up his hand, searching for something to say. "You are scared, Scarlett. I know you are scared, but—"

"No—"

"You love me," he snaps, his jaw setting stubbornly. He breathes in. "You love me. You've already let me in, whether you see it now or not. And when I walk out that door, Scarlett, you will regret letting me go."

I hold my composure, as hard as it is as he backs up further from me.

Oh fuck. I grimace, looking down.

"You are not the only one who has endured heartbreak, Scarlett," he snaps after a long time. "I may not have had as much as you, but it fucking hurt. The difference between you and me and our retrospective hearts is that I just tried to give you mine and you turned it away, not even allowing me a glimpse of yours."

My head snaps up as he walks for his coat.

God, he's leaving. He's leaving.

"I'm sorry," I choke out, my chest suffocating. I feel my throat closing as my feet instinctively move towards him. "Giovanni. Giovanni, I'm sorr—"

The door slams with finality and my entire body flinches at the sound.