No Strings Attached

Chapter Thirty-Two

"I'm not going to even say anything about that because I don't want to say something to set you off. Secondly, if I know anything about you, anything at all, it's that you are beating yourself up for this more than you probably should be."

"How the hell did you even know I was here with him?"

"I tried to call you. When it went to straight to voicemail, I got worried it was because of Dixon. I called Rebecca. She told me where you were, who they left you with."

I shake my head, smiling darkly. "So, what? No anger? It's clearly in your voice. I don't get to see it?"

His eyes flicker up to mine, staggeringly fast. "You know, I had plenty of anger earlier today. I was so angry I took you up on your offer, on your demand."

My back aches with rigidness. "You did?"

"Oh yeah," he replies, smirking slowly. "Many times. Three times for her, twice for me."

I look away from his expressionless mask, forcing myself to breathe.

"Well, good for you."

Fuck.

Remain cool, remain calm. I force myself to find his eyes again, breathing out cautiously through my lips. He's watching me, calmly, his gorgeous ink-hued eyes traveling over my features. I wait for him to speak.

"I didn't have sex with that woman, Scarlett," he finally confesses, coldly. "I just wanted to see your reaction. Your true reaction."

I remain silent, unmoving, but inside I feel my blood boil.

My jaw tenses. "And?"

"And the thought of me with someone else makes you sick. As the thought of you with someone else does the same to me." He stares down into his coffee. "You know, before Lola, I fucked daily. Different women, different scenarios. Not once did I want more."

He chuckles. "And I met Lola. I fell for her beauty, for our common interests, for her dependence. She was always there, always wanting more. It was her need for that which led her to do what she did because I didn't want to give her more of me. I didn't feel the need to."

He breathes in, leaning back. "It wasn't until I met you that I came to realize why she and I didn't work."

Don't.

"I'm meant to give you my more, Scarlett," he whispers. "I'm meant to give you everything."

Damn it. I look down, my beating heart swelling and constricting at the same time.

"That would be a mistake."

"Why?"

"Because I'll never be able to reciprocate."

He shakes his head. "You are so damn stubborn. Stubborn and intent on living miserable!"

My mouth gapes. "Do you actually think I want to feel this, Giovanni? Do you think I want these memories, this life? Do you think I want to fear you? Fear men? Fear emotion?"

"No! I know you don't. You have suffered and I know you still suffer every damn day, remembering what the past twenty-eight years have been like, but at some point, you have to need someone!"

"Need leads to mistakes. Need leads to what nearly happened in this apartment tonight!"

He holds out his arms. "What? Need for sex?"

"Need for YOU!" I shout, wide-eyed. His arms drop down, his hard expression softening an inch. We stare at each other, unmoving.

I nod. "You are right, Giovanni. Not once has this been what we said it was going to be. From the beginning, you and I cheated the rule book, went straight for more. The problem is you have gotten to my barrier, the part of me that cannot let you in further."