an Assasins thoughts

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Script / Directing: Roku 
Translation: Yami 
Voice: Cili
Mixing: Suginei 
Video: Capriccio 
Background Music: 오 태현 
Art: kdash

Original script -

10th of May

You were like a white flower.

That was the first thought that came up to my mind when I first saw you.  

Pure. Innocent. Clean.  

Unlike me.

They say everyone starts out as a clean slate, that everyone was born innocent.

But I don’t remember. I don’t remember if I ever was.  

As I looked at you, I wondered if I ever looked that way. Was I ever that happy?

My memories are as vague as smudged ink. I can never remember my past for long.

It was a necessity for the way I live. Holding onto memories, holding onto people…

They’re weakness to a person who lives in the shadows.  

To a monster who holds no loyalty but to the one who pays…  

I had no right to be happy.  

14th of May

You’re a thorn. Your purity stings. Your innocense stings.  

A shadow clouds over what’s left of my soul.

Why… why do you look at me with those eyes?  

Can you not see how tainted I am?  

My hatred for you grows.  

17th of May

Have you always been as dense as a rock? Can you not see how much I loathe you?

Can you not see the danger I bring?  

Of course you don’t… If you did, it would have been a failure on my part.

Then why do I want you to see how much I hate you?  

Why do I want to push you away when I have to do the exact opposite?

Why?

19th of May

Hatred…

Is this really what I feel?

Why do I feel?

20th of May

Your presence overwhelms me. You fill my head with unfamiliar thoughts.

You’re making me feel things that are forbidden to me.

This must end.

21st of May  

I hesitated.

[laughs bitterly] I hesitated…  

Who knew that a monster like me could still feel that way?  

I couldn’t kill you.  

Your memories remain.

xx/xx

Didn’t I tell you that you’ll wilt when you’re with me…

[shaky voice] I’m sorry.

[sobs] I’m sorry.  

Romaji script -

10th of May

Kimi wa marude shiroi hana no you datta.

Sore ga kimi ni deatta ano shunkan no kangae datta.

Junsui de. Mujaki de. Kirei datta.  

Boku to chigatte.

Hito wa hajime kara junsui dato, umareta toki kara mujaki da to iu.

Kedo boku wa sonna koto omoidasenai. Itsu sonnani ita no ka made omoidasenai.

Kimi wo miteinagara, itsuka konna kimochi ni ita no ka tte omotte shimau. Itsumo boku anna shiawase datta no ka?

Boku no kioku wa kegareta sumi mitai. Kako wo nagai aida ni omou koto ga dekinai.  

Sore wa boku no ikikata ni hitsuyou na mono datta. Omoide wo dakitsuku no mo, hito to tsunagaru no mo..

Kage ni ikikata wo shiteiru hito ni wa jakuten nano.

Harau yatsura dake ni chuusei wo motteiru kemono ni..

Shiawase de iru shikaku nanka nakatta.

14th of May

Kimi wa toge da. Kimi no junketsu ga sasu. Kimi no mujitsu ga sasu.  

Boku no tamashii no nokori wo kage ga oou.

Nande.. Nande sono me de miru no?  

Boku wa dore dake yogoreteiru no ka mienai no?  

Kimi ni mukatte iru kono nikushimi ga fueru.  

17th of May

Kimi wa itsumo iwa mitai ni chimitsu nano ka? Boku ga dore dake kimi wo nikushimu no ga mienai no ka?

Boku ga motteyuku kiken wo mienai no ka?  

Mienai ni kimatteru yo na… Nazenara sore wo mirarete itara, boku no shippai datta no kamo.

Sore nara nande kimi wo dore dake nikunde iru no ka wo mite hoshii no?

Nande kimi to itsumo hanareru no, sono hantai wo suru beki nano ni?

Nande?

19th of May

Nikushimi…

Korette boku ga kanjiru kimochi nano ka?

Boku wa ittai nani wo kanjite iru no?

20th of May

Kimi no sonzai wa boku wo attou suru. Atama ni shiranai kimochi wo ippai kuwaseru.  

Boku ni kinjirareta kimochi wo kanjisaseru.

Kore wa owanakereba naranai.

21st of May  

Boku wa mayotta.

[laughs bitterly] Boku wa mayotta…  

Boku mitai na kemono ni mada sonna kimochi ga atta no ka?  

Kimi wo koroserarenakatta.  

Kimi no kioku ga nokotte iku.

xx/xx

Boku to isshoni itara kimi ga shinabiru to itta no ni…

[shaky voice] Gomennasai.

[sobs] Gomennasai.  

——-

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