Meghan {c.g.}

XXX. JUDITH

She walks up the stairs toward the front door. The wooden door creaks loudly as she pushes it open, revealing a dark room. I bury my head into her neck, hiding just in case any monsters try to scare me. My daddy says that I always need to be careful about the monsters.

Cece climbs the stairs leading to the upstairs and sets me down when she reaches the top. I follow her closely down the ark and dusty hallway, trying to cling to her shuffling leg. She walks all the way to the end of the hall, and I watch as she carefully reaches a shaking hand to the closed door. She pushes it open and goes inside, but I don't follow her. I want to show her that I can be brave. Instead of going into the room with her, I instead wander back down the hall to another door.

Using the same hand as Cece, I push open the door. Inside I find a crib, and a bunch of books and toys on the floor. I cannot contain my excitement as I push through the mess, looking for a fun toy to bring home with me. Surprisingly, the thing in the clutter that captures my attention is a yellowed envelope. I pick it up with my tiny fingers, reading the name Reese written across the paper.

"Judy?" Cece calls out to me from the hallway. I spin around, tucking the envelope behind my back as I smile at her.

"I'm in here," I reply. She slowly enters the doorway, looking around the small room with wide eyes. At first I thought maybe this was her room when she lived here because I know she loves toys. But then I realized that she might not be able to fit in the crib.

"This was your room," Cece says as lays her hand on the dark wooden dresser. I watch her as she pulls a stuffed animal from the crib and stares down at it. She hands it to me, and I smile brightly when I see it is the white elephant.

"I have something for you too." My smile grows as I proudly show her the envelope. She freezes and stares at the paper in my hand. She gently picks it up, and I grab my elephant, hugging it close to me. I squish the soft animal against my face, but when I open my eyes I see tears on Cece's face and my heart drops.

"I knew he wrote me one," She whispers.

I tilt my head and tense my eyebrows in confusion, but she ignores me. She tears open the envelope, not paying attention to the pictures that slide out. I gingerly pick up one, running my finger over the smooth, glossy surface. In the picture is my dad. He is sitting with a lady with long brown hair, and a little boy with bright blue eyes. I pucker my lips and stare down at the picture, wondering why my daddy is with these people. Where am I?

I flip the picture over, seeing the same scribbly handwriting that was on the front of the envelope. I squint my eyes, but I don't understand what the words say. I look up at Cece who is still reading the note from the envelope. Tears dot her eyes. Seeing her sad makes me what to cry, but I don't. I don't have any tears.

I wait until she is done reading before handing her the picture in my hand. I ask her what it says. She sniffles a little, then smiles lightly.

"It says, Don't let her forget," Cece cries. I don't know what that means, but I think she does. Cece's sad brown eyes snap to mine, and she suddenly leans forward and wraps me up in a tight hug.

"I love you," She says quietly.

"I love you more," I smile as I lay my head on her shoulder. She pulls away, wiping her nose on her sleeve and taking a quick, deep breath. She stares at the picture for a few more moments before turning it back to me.

"Do you know who this is?" She asks, pointing to the woman. I shake my head.

"What about him?" She asks as she points to the little boy. I shake my head again.

"That is Carl. Your brother," She whispers. I frown. I know I have an older brother, but I don't remember meeting him because he died when I was little. I sometimes ask my daddy about him, but whenever I do he gets really quiet.

My eyes flick downward, and I spot a photo of Carl sitting on some stairs with me when I was a baby. I pick it up and hand it to Cece. Her smile gets smaller as she looks at this picture, and I feel bad for giving it to her. I nervously look back down and flip through the many photos scattered by my feet. A flash of blue catches my eye, and the photo that I pick up makes my heart speed up. It is a close up of Carl's smiling face, his blue eye bright in the golden sunlight.

"You know, I don't remember the sound of his voice," She says quietly to herself. I squirm. Sometimes Cece will say things to herself and I don't like it because I don't understand what she is talking about. I like it more when she talks to me. Her sad eyes look to me, but I just shrug.

"Everyone wants me to be sad over someone I can't even remember," I say as I pout my lips.

"That's ok, Pumpkin. I know you don't know him," Cece sighs, "But, would you like to know him?"

I nod my head quickly and put on a big smile for her. No one ever tells me about my brother. Cece lifts me up by my armpits and I try not to laugh from the tickles. She sets me down on her lap and hugs me.

"You know that cowboy hat in your room at home?" Her chest is warm and shakes with every word she says. I nod my head and close my eyes as she rocks me back and forth.

"Well, that hat belonged to Carl, and it made him the strongest boy ever. It gave him so much courage and strength. Judith," Her voice suddenly cracks, "He loved you so much he wanted you to have it. He wanted you to have all of his courage and all of his strength."

I stay silent, listening. As I hug my white elephant to my chest, I can feel myself slipping into light slumber no matter how hard I try to stay awake.

"What was his favorite color?" I murmur.

Cece kisses my head slowly and whispers into my ear, "Blue."

Blue. Like the sea. Like my daddy's eyes. Like Carl's eyes. Like my eyes. I think blue is my favorite color too.

"Let's go home, I have so much more to tell you."

My legs swing, keeping in time with Cece's bouncy stride as she carries me to the car. My eyes flutter open, and I watch as the burnt houses pass me by. I lift my little fingers, waving silently to Carl's memory. My eyes flick up, melting into the blue sky.

Blue.

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El fin