Jimin and I met at a party, while you were out fetching booze for the two of us. He slid over, casually introducing himself and smiling in a way that made me nervous. Falling into conversation with him was easy, so easy that I didn't even notice his almost far too obvious flirting. He would do little things, like touching our pinkies together on the table or even resting his hand on my arm.
"Follow me."
Agreeing was my first mistake that night, and nowhere near the last.
He pulled me into the bedroom, and before I knew it, his lips were against mine. Instead of pushing him away, or hitting him, or running away, I put my drink down and kissed him back. You didn't even enter my brain once; all I could think about was just how soft Jimin's lips were.
I didn't have feelings for him- I never have, and never will. But the neglect I felt from you in that area lately drove me to do something I couldn't forgive myself for.
Possibly the worst part of the whole thing was not telling you. Watching you laugh with Jimin, your best friend, without knowing that he'd been a part of the biggest act of betrayal. Letting you touch my body without telling you that someone else had done the same. It felt like a sin, like the lie was going to swallow me up whole, but I couldn't bring myself to tell you.
And eventually, you left, and I didn't have to.
For some strange reason, that didn't make it any better. I knew we did it. Jimin knew we did it. But you, you wouldn't ever find out, you wouldn't know the truth and I would never receive the punishment I so deserved.
I like to think you would yell at me. Scream at me, call me names, tell me you hate me. If I told you, I like to think you would treat me how I deserve to be treated after what I did. But knowing you, you would never. You would hold me close and kiss me. Tell me you love me. You were never one to hold grudges, but I am. I can't forgive myself for it, for that one drunk hour when I let someone who wasn't you roam my body.
I'm an asshole, Taehyung. I made so many mistakes. I was dishonest, I lied, I cheated, I broke my promises, I hurt us.
I never deserved you, never in a million years.
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Reason 4; I can't keep hating myself like this
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