You

I miss you.
I want you.
I hate you.
I love you.

You are just one call away.
But the nervousness of being rejected stops me from you.

I see you on social media with your friends and your statuses and I wonder do you even remember me? Do you even think of me the way I think of you? Do you miss me like I awfully miss you?

I wonder is it worth it? Am I worth it?
Are you worth it?

I sit there and contemplate what went wrong and wonder if you were actually the one that messed things up and was the evil one. Or.. did I? Am I the evil one?

Was it right for me to break it off? Even though you left me in tears and gave me a reason to not trust you a little.

I think about how our relationship was so special. How we had our own stupid little jokes and sayings that no one else would understand or find funny.
That.. that made our relationship so original.

I get flashbacks of the intimate times we had and I still remember those unexplainable amazing feelings, that spark we had that I never felt with anyone before.
That feeling where I had to urge to say I love you and kiss you unconditionally.

You were the one, I believed and to this day I still do believe. But do you believe the same of me? Do you remember all the things of me? Or am I just another memory gone to the back of your mind. Gone but also forgotten.

See, you are the person I love but also hate. Which makes me wonder is that why we should be together or should we go our separate ways.
A mystery I might not discover.

Either way I still can't forget you no matter how many people I've talked to. No matter how many dates I went on. They weren't the same.
There's no one else like you.

And I tried to get over you and I tried to make myself believe I was over you. But these dreams, these flashbacks are just destroying me, hurting me.
Because I open my eyes, and you are not here beside me.
Because I snap back to reality and remember where I am and what I'm doing and you're not there.

My heart is broken every time I think of you with another person.
I'm crying like I've never cried before because of what I thinking, feeling, remembering.

Is best that I don't know your love life?
But I need to know.
Curiosity does kill the cat.

I sit there at night tracing back everything.
All my decisions of actions, choices of words, my times of tears, anger and hurt. 

And I wonder why did this happen?What did we. Or you. Or I do?
How did it go all wrong?
Should I call you?
Can I fix this, Or is it too late?

Do you still love me?
Did I make a mistake?