No Strings Attached

Chapter Twenty-Six

"Why?"

I hear the coffee brewing quickly behind me. "It's just never a good day for me."

"Because of your family?"

I focus on my fingers caressing the fabric of his sweater.

"You were married. You didn't celebrate it then?"

"He had been working Christmas for years before he knew me. He liked working Christmas."

"While you sat at home?" he whispers.

I breathe in, refusing to look him in the eye. "I liked it that way."

"Why?"

"Because I didn't have to pretend."

He exhales softly. "Scarlett."

"I don't want you to pity me, Giovanni. I'm never like this. I don't let it get to me like this, ever. I—"

"Pity and worry are two very different things. I worry about you."

"But I'm fine."

"Is that the truth?" he whispers, clasping my face. "Because the woman I saw downstairs wasn't."

"I was surprised then."

"Why?" he asks, more forcefully. "Why were you surprised?"

I stare at him, doe-eyed. "Because you came."

His eyes remain unwavering. "That... shouldn't be a surprise to you, Scarlett."

The espresso maker squeals behind my back. I can't take my eyes off of him, so he reaches behind me, taking it off the heat, shutting off the switch.

When he looks back at me, I lick my lips nervously. "I'm on dangerous ground here, Giovanni."

He nods, slowly. "I know you are."

"I'm scared."

He pulls my hand from his sweater, holding it between us. He looks down at it and I look at him. "Of me?"

"I'm fucking terrified of you." His gaze softens when it meets mine again. I try to find the words, knowing the vocabulary I'm about to use has been locked away for quite some time. "There isn't much of me left. When I think of letting someone in, I can only picture the way that person can break me. I sabotage it before it can even begin."

He lets go of my hand, clasping my face. "I won't let you sabotage it."

I look at him with a blank stare, feeling as if he's squeezing my heart. "I'm not worth it."

His eyes widen. "Not worth it?"

"I mean it."

"I can tell," he replies, looking stunned and horrified at the same time. I feel myself shutting down, my body telling me it's time to stop talking.

Just look at the way he's staring at you. He thinks you're weak.

I grab his hands, pulling them down. "Forget that."

"No, fuck that." He grasps my face again, tighter, making me look at him. "Fuck that."

I fix my gaze on the coat rack, my teeth crushed together.

"Look at me."

"I don't want your words of encouragement, Giovanni. I don't want a pep talk."

"I'm not giving you one."

I grip the counter behind me with both hands. "Look at me, Scarlett... Look at me."

I do, reluctantly.

"If you're not worth it, I'm definitely not worth it."

I scoff, looking up. "You're like a fucking knight in shining armor."

"You know I'm not. You know how fucked up I can be." He searches my features and I watch his intense scrutiny, stuck frozen to the countertop. "I don't want to fucking save you, Scar. I want to be here to watch you do it yourself. I want you to let me be here to see that."

My eyes close. I have to exhale. With every word he says, my heart expands just a little wider, cutting me wide open. His hands travel from my face over my neck until he's grasping the back of my arms gently, leaning into me. I feel my hand rest on his stubbled cheek, my mouth near his.

"Just don't give up on me," I whisper breathlessly as his lips move over mine tenderly, just barely grazing my own. I hear the fear, the pain, the vulnerability I cannot seem to hide anymore from him in my voice.

He pulls back, just far enough that his eyes can look into mine. He lets go of my arms, grasping my face. His lips come down on mine, urgent with passion as his hands fumble around, following the lead of my own, which are desperately just trying to figure out where I want to grab him first. His arms wrap around my waist, lifting me up onto the counter.

"I'm not going anywhere," he breathes against my mouth as I hold his face between my hands. "I'm here. With you. That's all that matters."

"Yes." I nod, my eyes closing as his warm lips break away from mine, caressing the soft skin of my throat. He begins to descend lower and lower... and lower. "That's... that's all that matters."