Stay Strong

TFIOS

I was insanely inspired to write an epilogue for the fault in our stars

So here it is...

The Fault In Our Stars

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Epilogue

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We never forget someone after they cease to exist, but instead we learn to live without them; like what I am now doing with Augustus. Do people ever cease to exist? They cease to exist physically, but they never cease to exist in memory. Like characters in a novel cease to exist at the end of the book, we choose whether we terminate their existence or whether we want them to continue their lives in pursuit of the novel.

I am not afraid or embarrassed to admit that I am grieving the loss of Augustus. Everyday my mind brings me back to our little infinity and I smile. I remember his desire to be remembered by people for his heroic deeds he somehow wanted to accomplish. I'm sorry that you are not remembered by thousands of people for the extraordinary life you led, but I can assure you that you are remembered by few people who adored you in every way possible. Your family, my family, Isaac's family, Isaac and me. I am sure Patrick even remembers you as the boy who accompanied Isaac at support group as a loyal and trustworthy friend of his. Doctors probably remember you as the charming, brave boy who had his leg amputated, and maybe even Peter Van Houten remembers you though we try hard not to remember him.

The point is Gus, is that you are remembered by so many people who love you. Isaac remembers you as his best friend who allowed him to smash his basketball trophies in an act of anger. My parents remember you as the boy who waited in the waiting room at the hospital all night when I was in the ICU. I remember you as my boyfriend. My dear Augustus Waters. The boy who has an obsession with metaphors and symbols and the boy who sacrificed his one dying wish to take me to Amsterdam to meet the impeccable author Peter Van Houten who turned out to be a pretentious doucheface but we still ended up having an amazing time anyway. You Augustus, were my first and my only love. I don't know if I can love another like you again.

...

I believe that every character has a life after the novel in the same way we have a life after Augustus. His parents are still parents and I am still Hazel, just like Isaac is still Isaac.

Isaac and I still attend support group in the 'literal heart of Jesus'. When I thought Isaac would not find a girl so soon after his relationship with Monica, he scored with the new girl in support group; the one who has the hot voice. I don't know where their relationship is heading but I hope in the right direction.

I also never thought I would hear from Peter Van Houten since Gus' funeral when I pushed him out of my car. However, I received one last letter from him that holds all the answers Gus and I had ever wanted. After deciphering his monstrous handwriting, this is what I uncovered:

Dear Ms Lancaster,

I think the appropriate way to begin this letter would be to further apologise for Augustus' death. I understand that pain demands to be felt, which is why we are put though this state of mourning the death of our loved ones.

I would also like to apologise for my behaviour at the funeral and toward you two overall. I am sorry I did not live up to your expectation of the acclaimed author I was seen as by you children. I understand that you are mad and ashamed that you could so possibly admire a man like me for his wondrous works of literature but his despicable personality. Forgive me for that my dear, but unfortunately, we cannot change the past.

I can imagine that you would not want to ever associate with me again let alone read this letter. I do hope, my dear Hazel, that this letter finds you well and you can somehow find a way to forgive me. For now, I would like to share with you the ending of An Imperial Affliction, though prior to our meeting, I refused to share anything with you unless it were in person. At the funeral you clearly announced that you no longer desire to know what happens at the end of this book, but I know deep down in the depths of your heart and soul, you are still that one bit eager to know the answers to your questions. Here they are.

Following your question of, 'Have I not even thought about what could happen to these characters?' The thought occurred to me several times after ending the novel, but my alcohol addiction prevented me from ever putting these ideas onto paper.

I vaguely imagined Anna's Mom's and the Dutch tulip man's life after Anna's death. I imagine Anna's Mom to be grieving over her daughters' death as I am sure you also expected.

Post two months, Anna's mom and the Dutch tulip man move to Amsterdam and get married. This therefore answers your question about the Dutch tulip man. He was not a con man and was as rich as he claimed to be. Their relationship was always honest and real.

As you already know Sisyphus was adopted and like him, Anna's mom and her husband lived happily ever after. I believe in happily ever after despite the thought of death. Even though Anna died, God bless her soul, her mom's life continued as should yours after Augustus' death.

I wish you a good life Hazel. I wish you a happily ever after.

Your friend,

Peter Van Houten

The characters in An Imperial Affliction did not cease to exist for Peter and they do not cease to exist for me. Subsequently, neither will I after Augustus.

So everyday Isaac and I attend support group not for our needs, but in memory of Augustus. Patrick will ask me how I am doing, and I will say 'alright, I guess'. My parents will ask me how I am doing, and I will say 'I'm okay'.

Everyday now seems like an eternity. My parents are still my parents, fighting my battle with me. My battle of what? Cancer.

I would be lying if I told you that I feel stronger each day, because instead I feel weaker each day. I cannot tell you what my future holds. But I can tell you this.

I am on a roller coaster that only goes up, my friend.