Hereafter

Restart

  I hear beeping and a whooshing sound with unintelligible other sounds alternating near me. Slowly they resolve into what I realise are voices. I can't make out what they're saying though, it's all gibberish. It all fades away into silent darkness.

The next time I hear the voices I make an effort to open my eyes, the whooshing is gone now, only the beeping remains. I look and see that I'm in a room with windows for walls. I remember a saying about people in glass houses not throwing stones. I must be in a very weird hospital room. I want to get up but I can barely move. I notice that I'm naked and I feel embarrassed. The sleep and darkness claim me once again.

I can hear my father's voice as he is talking to someone in his halting English. I can't understand what they're saying which is unusual for me as I'm sure I've read about what he's talking about, I just can't connect the words with the concepts I know I should know. I panic again only to be reclaimed by the sweet dark embrace of a dreamless sleep.

They've moved me from my glass windowed room now.

Days pass as I relearn how to talk. My first attempts at writing are annoyingly inept. I am angry that I can barely use a body that I have used for my entire life. I know what I need to say or do but my body struggles to transform the instructions from my brain into actions. It is a frustrating couple of days. An occupational therapist visits a few times. I'm struggling to remember something as simple as a list of ten items. The frustration and subsequent anger drive me to try harder.

Today, I heard a doctor tell my father that he should not be surprised if I never fully recover. I am livid! I'll show them!

I'm leaving the hospital today and heading to a rehabilitation facility. The ambulance ride there is long and oddly uncomfortable; maybe it's the fact that I'm off the morphine and am starting to feel the pain from my fractured and broken body.

The rehabilitation facility; what can I say, I share a room with several people. I guess I should be grateful that my pain or the meds knock me out at night.

It is disconcerting to be unable to take care of your own daily needs. First things first, walking so I can get up and stand in the shower! It is embarrassing to need others to wash you as you can't even stand on your own. Being able to take a shower is something I will never take for granted ever again!

There are a whole variety of therapists and my rehab is for the most part quite successful. I'm walking and talking much better now with my short term memory still needing a lot of work. I feel like I have the attention span of a 5-year old. Today I discovered I can no longer draw anywhere as well as I used to. Stick figures are not drawing! Not for me. More's the pity, I enjoyed it. Maybe it'll come back to me in time.

I'm out of the wheelchair and walking. Okay, hobbling around on crutches. Still it's a major improvement and I am making progress.

People from for came by and they asked me to come by once I'm out of rehab. I got the distinct impression that they needed me to come back to work as soon as possible.

There was a minor complication with necrotic,dead tissue, just underneath my left calf muscle. I can see the tendon througha hole that skin should cover; it is morbidly fascinating. It is now the end ofJune and I'm going to have a plastic surgeon surgically abrade and graft apiece of skin over the affected area.